Just Be

Being in the moment is a wonderful practice. It allows us to fully experience and appreciate the present without getting lost in worries about the future or dwelling on the past. Take a deep breath, notice your surroundings, and embrace this moment fully.

We all need to 'Just Be' and try not to lead a life that's dictated by society!

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Transcript

E85 - Just Be

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, friend, podcast, life, work, dubrovnik, live, rainy day, croatia, society, social media, listen, spoke, goals, lovely, pay, job, peter jones, honest

What's up my beautiful people? Here we are on Sunday, the 21st of April. And I've woken up feeling a little bit. I don't know, really, I've got a spring in my step. But also I'm freezing cold. I've just returned from Croatia where I headed off with for no sorry for two other lovely girlfriends who I've known one of them I've known for a long time. And we booked this holiday way back in January when the flight sales were on. And we went to Dubrovnik, and it was absolutely lovely. My lesson learned is you can go away for four days. And if you get four whole days I was was nearly five, because we went on a Sunday, we arrived at 10 o'clock in the morning. And we left five days later, in the evening, it feels like you've been away for a whole week, we had such a lovely time. But oh my gosh, I'm so cold, because I've come back to whether that's really not conducive to what I like. So with that in mind, my beautiful people I'm just going to talk about today, which is London Marathon day. It's infamous in the world, the marathon. And I just heard that the female winner of the elite race is just one in two hours, and 16 seconds, which is pretty sorry, 16 minutes, which is pretty fast to do. 26 point something, something something. And you know, the reason why I mentioned the marathon, there's a lot of people when they reach a certain age, they say, I've got to climb Kilimanjaro, I've got to run a marathon. I've never said any of that. I just write all those people that are there, and actually running the marathon. So well done. me after this podcast, I am going to have a little workout, wash my hair and chill. So I have been really tired, because when we were in Dubrovnik we walked it is steep. But it is the home of the Game of Thrones. And I want this podcast to just be about just being just be I got the idea for this very short and sweet podcast because I watched this fantastic woman on a YouTube channel. And basically she was talking about why is it that society rules are heavily influences how we live our lives. For example, She used to be in a very big corporate job, I think she was in America a big corporate job. And then her and her husband decided to give it all up and just go and live in somewhere like if someone like Thailand or something like that. They live by the sea. And they have a very, very simple life. And she said, Yes, I've got my partner, it might not be the same for everybody else. But I just didn't want to be dictated to that I've got to earn a certain amount, certain amount of money. I've got to have these goals that and my question to you all is, is work the central axis of your being? A lot of you may so say yes, because if you work for someone else, you work five days a week, if not more, etc, etc. But I question that norm now does it need to be I'm in a situation now where I've got very little work? And I'm thinking about do I go back into full time work? And really take that on? And do you know, the one thing that frightens me the most is someone telling me what to do every single day against, not against my will? Because that sounds like I'm in prison. But the thought of that, and then oh, we've got your review coming up? Can you start writing down your goals? Well, my goal in life is to live happy, travel more, meet a man has some lovely friends around me and try to be a better person. That's my goal. That's my life goals, work goals, I don't have any apart from from myself, which is to get more business and do a good job for those clients. It's that simple. So this woman talks about embracing the Ordinary, ordinary is get up in the morning, sustain yourself, maybe your food, you could do a walk. Or if you've got a pet, you go from whatever you do something with your dog, or your cat or whatever animals you've got or not got, it could be arranged and flowers and she'd spoke about that her ordinary is having friends around or sitting by the beach and just having a chat and just chilling or she might want to go and lie down and have a nap. And I think something really touched me because a society and what it dictates we must do at certain times of our lives. And it's the materialism of everything else. And we should just be fully present with our friends and family. Except what we're always doing and I've done it I've been guilty of it. I strive to earn that extra dollar and when I get that extra dollar I'll save for a rainy day. We'll listen your life is not guaranteed. So what why are we waiting for that rainy day that may never come. And it's funny because I think we had a bit of that a bit of this chat on our trip to Croatia, where we spoke about my friend has said, I'm going to spend it, whether it's on my kids or whatever, or go on holidays, because that rainy day could be right around the corner, or I might not live to see that rainy day. So if you've got it, spend it. Now, that's not to say that you have nothing to fall back on. Because when we look at COVID, thank God, I had some savings. And you know, even now, thank God, I've got some money in the bank, because otherwise I'd be struggling, I'm sure I'm sure I could go for jobs that maybe wouldn't pay me as much as I'd like. But again, you see, I'm already putting a price on what I should be paid, given my, my values, and my experience. And it's interesting, I was reading a passage in Steve Bartlett's book Diary of a CEO, when he says, the value of what you do, or something there abouts, by the way, if anybody quotes me, so she's misquoted him, the value of what you do depends on the industry. And he talks about if he went for a straight marketing role, and said, I can do this, this and this, and it's with a social media agency, for example, bearing in mind, he used to run one of the biggest in in the UK, he would just get paid X. But if he went to a Bitcoin, or crypto company, or a huge firm investment company, that marketing is not their main, cause they may have a marketing person, but that marketing person is probably going to be paid more than in a standard marketing or digital agency, because they know that area, but a Bitcoin or an investment firm may not, so they're gonna pay you much more because they see the value in what you can bring to the table. And I really hope that makes sense. Because today, it made me really think about, do I stay within the industry I love, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And that earning that extra dollar, some people don't even know why they want a big fat calorie salary. Right? You know, I take some of the millionaires in this country, there's one called Peter Jones, he's on a programme called Dragon's Den, he's a billionaire. How much more? Can he get wealth wise? And how much more can you do with that money, having money makes you more mobile and things you want to do, you don't have to worry about the restaurant you want. You don't have to worry about this, this and this. But money can also make you really unhappy. And I'd rather have less money

07:38

and be happy because some that have got money. It's just ridiculous. You know, they've got wardrobes for the clothes, bags, shoes, this, that. And the other. Peter Jones has got cars, he's got a helicopter, he's got a jet. What more can you buy? Do you know what I mean? So because he's not stopping the war in the world, is he? So my point here is I go off on this little rant about money and, you know, being fully present is, is it wrong? Here's my question. Is it wrong to have no ambition, no big salary, or big goals? What is wrong with a small and happy life, and just make enough money to pay the bills, which is what I'm kind of doing at the moment, to be honest with you. And this is to a friend there who may be struggling a bit at the moment. And I just want to say to you, it will be okay. But you do not need to cut yourself off from us, please do not do that. Because sometimes, we need to have that interaction and engagement. And I've been there, I've been so low that I cut people off and you start slipping, you start slipping, you start slipping. And that's mental health issues right there. So there doesn't have to be everybody you speak to. But maybe there's just one person that you can have that connection with that will uplift you. And I think when you get into situations like this and your life becomes a like, where you need friends around you that are going to be uplifting, no negative energy, which I've spoken about before. You just need to be and this is just a time, you have to believe in the universe will believe that things will get better. It's like me, I'm not panicking yet. But I know this is a time for me to just be because I worked really hard again last year and things will be okay. And the reason why no it will be okay. Not just okay it will be fabulous is because I'm putting the work in I have been networking and reaching out to people since January. And some of it may not come to fruition right now. There's going to be some people that need reminding and you know, say Oh, have you forgotten about me I came to see you about x what's going on and get an update etc, etc. However, there's still always that pressure in the background to conform and be something it's really weird that calm Have a station sometimes between two people that you haven't seen for ages can be, oh, how are you? What are you up to now? Which means what you working doing? Not, you know if I would say what you're up to now? Well, I just go to the gym, you know? And if I didn't mention the job, what do you work as? That's what everybody also does, because always does sorry. They let the job define them. And we're all just all expected to adhere to the same mould. But we can't all be sharks. Why has society forgotten about contentment, because a lot of people not content. This is why we got so many people with mental health problems. You know, in London and around the world at the moment, we got climate change, I had this kind of in app discussion with somebody the other day who had a theory that is not climate change, well, I beg to differ. And then you've got the cost of living the cost of living in London at the moment is through the roof. So that means something has to give. So for me, you know, whilst I'm going through a time, that's maybe not so great, when I feel absolutely fine, to be honest with you, but I'm not bringing in the money that I would like that I had to pull back on stuff that I would normally spend on which is usually I like going out to eat. I like when I do like travelling after this weekend, I want to go and book something else. But I can't, I want to treat myself to a Kindle, because actually a friend in Dubrovnik had a Kindle. And I felt that actually having something small like that they can fit in my bag, and I can just open a page. Now again, I need to get one because I'm not reading enough just I guess losing myself in fiction, I read a lot of nonfiction, which is fantastic all my personal development in the morning. But then I'll be scrolling through bloody social media. And actually, social media can be shite. And it was interesting that I reached out to this other girl the other day, and I saw her name change on LinkedIn. And I thought, well, she's got married. And she said no, just because of my job. And also I've come off social media. Well, she hasn't what she's done, she's gone private and on Instagram and probably got rid of me. But that's no problem. You know, she said she's spending too much time on it. And we do when I think about the scrolling. And I said this on our little holiday to PROFINET how much time are we spending going through social media one friend was on it wasn't on it. The other one is on it a lot and spent her time scrolling through her phone. And I did as well, not maybe as much but you know, maybe I do need to challenge myself and just come off social media for a month. Would I miss it? Only when I'm bored, if I'm honest, because when I'm really busy. I hate to say the word after what I'm just saying about just being. But when I'm busy with work, I haven't got time to look at social media, because I have to do the other things my life. So why can't we just live a quiet and uncomplicated life? Because life is only as complicated as you want to make it. The conventional success narrative is stressful. And it's constantly repeated in the media, about jobs. So you're doing this you're owning your own business, or have you got this car, all of these things all contribute. And there is plenty of joy in just living. And to just be we have to create space for ourselves people. And it's funny, because again, I'm going to come back to Dubrovnik. And hopefully, we have convinced this other friend of ours who says she's stressed. And her question was, but why shouldn't why? Why? I mean, no, hang on, sorry, I'm getting this wrong. She said she was stressed. And we said why? And she said a few things or didn't say a few. And I said but you can alleviate that stress, because stress leads to high blood pressure and all this kind of shit. And when she said about her work, that was one of them. Then her children who were older, but she still you know is really heavily involved in their lives. But the work was insane. And we said you've got to get up and move from your desk. And actually, why don't you listen to me because most of my podcasts are only half an hour long. You go out for a walk. So what was beautiful is she had me saying this another friend that was with us. There were three of us saying about diet and stuff and all this kind of stuff and sleep. And she agreed it and we said don't do all in the same week. Like we said, she snacks a lot. So we said what about doing intermittent fasting because it really stops that a little bit. And then we said you know, go out for this walk, listen to my podcast. Most of them are 30 minutes and get 30 minute walk by the end. By the end of our break. She'd already said I've worked out my route. Do you know that gave me so much joy because it was about me time. And the reason why we also said it to her is because we said about meditation. Now if you mentioned meditation to a lot of people, they go oh my god, meditation, I can't do that. But it's about that space in time for yourself and I do all the time when I'm training. You know I've got my, my dopamine levels are really high when I train them. So I'm gonna do it after this podcast. I'm pretty late in the day actually today because it's 1230. But I was out this morning from early. And so that space was for me and Sundays for me. And actually, my phone is gonna go on aeroplane mode. So think about this quiet and uncomplicated life. And when I mean quiet, I don't mean you don't leave your house and do anything. I mean, you don't need negative energy. So for example, do you hang out with low vibe friends, or cling on to that partner because everyone else is in a relationship. So you just settle is this because society dictates it's better to be a weed and, and I and I know, I felt that pressure, you know, especially when I was 40. And most of my friends were in relationships. And I wasn't, and I just ended up with this guy who was just fucking useless to be honest with you. And even now, there's been a situation where me and somebody else, and it will be so easy, because so many women at this age, they can't just be they can't be comfortable with their own company, and men can't just be, they need to be in a relationship to thrive. And that is wrong. Because anybody coming into my life, they need to add to what I already am. And what I want to do not make my life complete. And it'd be so easy for a situation that I've been in most recently to stay there. Because there isn't anybody else. And I can't do it, I cannot do it to myself, because I value my damn self. Way, way, way, way too much. And that's why the Croatia trip was absolutely beautiful to go away with two women that were older than me. And I've always had older friends. And it was just a bit life affirming to have people around you. And we just got on really well. And we just were just, we just love being because you go away with two people you haven't been away with. Or maybe one of my friends I had been away was skiing, and we did athletics together. But in terms of being in the air b&b, and where we were going to go and eat and what we were going to do for the day, we just came to a nice agreement. And I had a bit of anxiety, not anxiety is a bit dramatic, isn't it because it's meant to be four of us. And I thought two's company, three's a crowd. So I'm going to be the third crowd. And it wasn't like that at all, it was pleasantly surprising to know that we just went with the flow. And actually, you can just not worry about what ifs and maybes have faith that things will be okay. And it was one of the best trips ever. And I want now I want to go somewhere else. We're

17:37

already talking about going back to Croatia, all of you Game of Thrones fans, you need to go you have to go there are loads of Americans, if you're listening to me from America, get us to Dubrovnik in Croatia, do some day trips,

17:52

the seas nice, we didn't go in it. Of course, I wasn't doing any of that I don't go in any sea apart from the Caribbean Sea because it's nice and warm.

18:00

Or in Africa. But I guess this is really short and sweet. And I just want to say to those stressing about things, you can't control what's out there. And I think if you can just be fully present. And I remember another friend saying to me, you know, we always sit down for an evening meal. It's really, really important to her and her family to do that. And it's those simple things as the friend that came away to Croatia, she always has her children over on a Sunday and has lunch. I just think that's beautiful. Because we don't do enough of it. Everybody's so busy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, got this to do that to do can't find time to talk, I find it really interesting. And I got invited out today as well. And I said no, I'm just gonna, this is gonna be my weekend for PrEP. I need to get my head focused, to get some more work in. And as long as I've got enough if I'm honest with you, people to pay the bills, have a little bit of fun throughout the month. I'm cool. And that is the truth. So I'm not going to keep going on. I just want everybody think about just being and what can you do to create more time and space to just be and not be driven by what society is telling you? You should be. And it's hell on earth. If you're driven by society, and we see media, all of that. So for those, just laugh, smile, live, don't live for tomorrow, live for today, whatever they that may be. And I'll leave you with that thought and come back with something pretty special, I hope on my next podcast episode. Take care. And please, please, please, if you do like this podcast, if you listen to it on Apple, or Spotify, follow me and then you'll get the latest episodes. And if you can rate me I think you can do on Apple, I'm not sure about on Spotify, so that would really help me get more people Listening and subscribing because I am overjoyed every time someone says yeah I'm thinking of you maybe it's your podcast I've been listening to him like you listen to my podcast that's really cool have a wonderful wonderful week my people until I see you again