Hate

Hate is a strong and intense feeling of hostility, animosity, or extreme dislike toward someone or something. It often involves negative emotions such as anger, resentment, prejudice, and a desire for harm or destruction. Hate can be directed at individuals, groups, ideas, or even inanimate objects. It can result from a variety of factors, including fear, ignorance, cultural differences, or personal experiences. Hate can have serious and harmful consequences, both on a personal level and within society, often leading to discrimination, violence, and conflict. It is generally considered a destructive and harmful emotion, and efforts are made in many societies to promote tolerance, understanding, and empathy to combat hatred and its negative effects.

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Transcript

Hey beautiful people, I'm feeling a little bit mad is the word. And I'm sorry. Again, I've been really inconsistent with these podcasts supply. And I think it's because I've got to the point where I am so sick to death of editing them. So I'm going to do a little test today, I'm going to put this podcast out pretty raw and see where it gets me, I'm going to have a listen, take out the really shite bits where I might be doing too many ohms and Rs, but other than that you're gonna get this raw and uncut, and see where it leads me. Anyway, today, I really wanted to talk about hate. That is such a powerful word. And over the last couple of weeks, I've seen stuff on TV. There's stuff going on around the world, like the atrocities that are going on in Israel and Gaza. I read this really awful story about to honeymooners who was shot in a national park by ISIS in? Oh, my God, was it? It wasn't sambia, Tanzania, something like that. It was absolutely shocking. And I think it's such a strong emotion. It's one of the strongest emotions, which is destructive and pollutes the spirit. So we need to think about when we say I hate her. I hate that. I hate cheese, do we? I think we can change the wording a little bit because that word hate is strong. Think of how many times you said you hate someone or something, especially when you hate someone and how it makes you feel. I'm sure it's not a warm or fuzzy feeling that's for sure. Even the word hate carries power. Did you know that? And I'll never forget saying something flippantly one day when I said I hate you. And the person picked me up on it and said, Wouldn't it be better if you said Tina, I can't stand X. And that's where we got into a massive, massive discussion. It's even more powerful. If it comes from a family member friend or child you remember, in the school playground? And little Molly would say I hate you, Tina, I hate you. Especially when I was younger and there was racism attached to it. I hate you little nigger. That was said to me a lot. Can you believe it? So I want to really delve deep a little bit and see what is hate? I'm sure you know, but it it's so strong and intense, is got that feeling of, you know hostility and animosity and extreme dislike towards something or someone you know, even when you think about ISIS, I just mentioned about this couple in the park. And I know I've got that country wrong. So I've got to correct that by the end of this podcast if I can. It's not Kenya it was. Was it Uganda, maybe it's Uganda, maybe it was Uganda. Anyway, it often involves negative emotions such as anger, resentment, you know, news, I hate them and blah, blah after the law. But it's also around resentment, prejudice, and a desire for kind of harm and destruction. Hate can be directed at individuals, groups, ideas, or even weird objects. And it comes from wait for it. fear, ignorance, cultural differences, and personal experiences. And I can attest about the amount of times I've directed my hate of someone. And you know what is not a good feeling y'all because it's negative negative energy up inside your system, and we just need to get rid of it. It can have serious consequences, both on a personal level and you know, within the society that we live, wasn't there that guy in America that had mental health problems, it just took out a whole heap of people somewhere now you got issues for any of my American listeners with guns, but he was saying about he hated something or hated someone. And there's so many people that are committed these acts because they hate society. So why don't you just kill yourself then we say always do cowardly. When they shot everybody else in sight. They they shoot themselves and that really pleased me off. But hey, it is destructive, harmful. It's an emotion. And, you know, there are so many efforts made in societies to promote tolerance, understanding and empathy to combat hatred, and its negative effects. But is it really working? Is it really working? Who's been subjected to micro aggressions, which was subtle, off Students in unintentional everyday actions or comments that marginalise and demean individuals based on their identity or background. Now, particularly for black and brown skinned people, we go through so many micro aggressions, I can't even begin to tell you, but look it up. And you'll see that some people, I think, are always going on with their micro aggressions. Hate speech. Oh my god, you know, springs to mind for me and I know this is coming down to a bit of colour and stuff. Klu Klux Klan? How horrible with a right wing extremists like the Nazis. And do you know at this point in time, I'm doing this podcast on hate. And I want to say I hate the Nazis. I hate the Klu Klux Klan. And it is a powerful emotion. And I know that I shouldn't be saying it based on what I've said. But check it out. I think I do. I hate those people, some of the speech and that's when someone says or writes things that spread hate and discrimination or prejudice against people based on things like race, religion, gender, and other characteristics that are protected, it is generally more intentional than microaggressions. But really challenging to address because there is freedom of speech, right, and everybody has the right to say what they want, but it is damaging, then you get the hate crimes a little bit what I was talking about a minute ago, there are criminal acts committed against individuals or groups based on their perceived race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, sexual orientation. I mean, there was a couple of gay guys about four months ago in London, minding their own business, and were set upon by some youth, because they were holding hands. Now, I don't think it ended in death. But let me tell you something. That was a hate crime because of their orientation. So I think there was so many of these crimes going on that include physical assault, vandalism, threats, harassment, murder, and then not only hurt the immediate victims, but also have a broader impact on the targeted community, spreading fear, intimidation, and division. And we've seen this, but you know, the big one that people don't talk about, which is becoming huge, is cyber bullying. Research in the US found that 46% of us teams, aged 13 to 17 have been bullied online. And 41% of US adults have experienced cyber bullying. Can you believe that? But you know what, I think some people set themselves up for it. I know a couple of people, if I'm honest with you, I could drop their house, because I know they're always away. But also they come across as a little bit. I've done this, and I've done that, and I'm going to share my whole life with you. Listen, you don't know who's behind this screen. People need to be very mindful about what they're sharing. And I'll never forget. It was so weird. I wasn't up for bullying from it. But a friend of mine had said to me, Tina, why are you putting that on your Facebook? And you know what it was? I was dating this guy. Of course, it was a love interest, right? I was dating this guy. And I was really proud of the fact he was actually in America. I finished with this other guy. And so the previous partner, it was almost like I was trying to have a dig at him because I kept putting these nice pictures. I kept putting these statements when I was over there seen him. And my friend said, I know you're just trying to have a go x stop it. Now imagine if that had turned into something where he started cyberbullying. Me. That's the one I was trying to, you know, make a bit jealous, I guess. And you know, from that experience, from my friend fit fit that back to me, I barely put anything online. I do all my Instagram, but Facebook, I'm almost incognito. And it's all because of that. And I still see people. I saw something the other day where someone said, I'm going to the shop to buy a dress, and it's x and what I don't care. And I think sometimes people invite that kind of shit that they get online and they don't know it.

Yeah, so you know, hate plays a significant role in cyber bullying, whether you like it or not, and it fuels that intent to harm and intimidate and humiliate others online. And it's funny because when I first came into the online world, and I'm talking Twitter and Instagram, someone have made a comment on Twitter. And I went back like I was talking to them in real conversation. This other girl pulled me up and she said to me, you can't do that online. And I said, why? She said, because there's a whole different set of rules and agendas. I didn't know this Because I think I answered this tweet in quite a, what the fuck are you talking about kind of way it was one of those. And she said you can't do that. So I learned from that as well. And I think there are some people who are what they are and they will just go go at it. And it doesn't matter. But I think when you're not regularly doing it, and people get to know you, that it can turn into bullying and I mean, look how many people just get cancelled. Listen, I didn't even know what this term meant. Until, you know, I was hearing from a university student and saying, oh, Melissa got cancelled when I mean they get cancelled. Nobody talks to them. They're not invited anywhere. They literally become a pariah. Is it prior or loner in their own community of which once you're cancelled, you have nothing. There's been movie stars and celebrities that have been cancelled. No one wants to know you anymore. How shitty is that? Oh my god. So I don't know people who really go after you online are I think they're cowards. They use hateful language slurs, derogatory remarks, and they really do target their victims based on their perceived differences or vulnerabilities. And, you know, the worst thing was cyber bullying. Because the anonymous the anonymity and distance given in the digital environment, there's no way of doing it, even though people like meta who are Facebook and Instagram. So yeah, we, we look at people's comments. They can't police everything that's going on, there are 1000s of things being posted every day. And I think with cyber bullies, as you can hear, it's really got to me, it's amplified because they can freely spread messages of discrimination, prejudice and bigotry, with potential severe psychological and emotional consequences. Now check this out. There's a wicked document though. There's a wicked drama on Netflix, about an Asian guy that decides to go out one day he's with his girlfriend in the morning. I can't remember it's called This is really bad. But he decides to go out with his girlfriend in the morning. And he decides on this day said term, what do you think it is cap, so he decides he's going to wear a cap when he goes outside? That was the worst mistake that he could have done. Because what happened is there was a terrorist attack. And he was spotted on CCTV on some escalators. And basically, somebody in his friendship circular said, I'm sure that looks like let's say his name's Amish or whatever. I know. It's really ridiculous, but and then it went from there. This poor guy got chased or sought out by extremists who thought he was a terrorist. And in the end, it nearly ruined his life. And he lost his girlfriend. He lived with his parents. He was a wreck. He was everything he'd literally mistaken identity, and they thought as a terrorist. It was absolutely shocking. I've got to try and find what it was cool because it was wicked. So listen, let's talk about the difference between hating spiders. That's my crude example, because I do hate spiders. Somebody said, but they're not going to hurt you teen I said, I don't care. I hate spiders. I'm just having a sip of tea. This is how raw my podcast is gonna be. And I've taken it from Francesca Amber, who runs a podcast who inspired me to start mine not personally because I've read hers and listened to hers. My life i Sorry, law of attraction changed my life, it's gonna change yours, and she just posted raw and uncut. That's why she knocks him out so quickly. So I'm gonna try and stop trying to be a perfectionist, which I am. Anyway, back to spiders. I hate spiders to hating a person is so much more destructive. So number one, when you hate others, it's dangerous. It's ugly, and can motivate violent crime and damaging behaviours. There was a shooting in LA. In an LA fitness gym in Pennsylvania. It's always in bloody America, isn't it? And it's a painful reminder of this the government's hatred towards women Maginnis II hated women. And yet he would have been I was gonna say here I've been given birth to you by a woman. Yeah, that's right. And, and so his hatred towards women and their perceived rejection of him feel the desperation. So you can imagine this weirdo or what I perceive would probably be looking weird that he's rejected time and time again. So he thinks, Okay, he's gone a bit insane. And he's called carnage that cost a lot of people their lives. That was shocking. Look at attacks that have happened because somebody may be homophobic or their religion I gave you one earlier they suffer a lot. But now Jewish people are suffering at the heart of it over here and are too frightened to go to prayer, whatever it is because of what's going on in Israel and Gaza. It's shocking and At the heart of all of this hatred is blame. And this is particularly true for a hatred turned outward. When someone feels like they've been seriously wronged or victimised by someone. They are angry, and it carries with it potential seeds of hatred. I love this quote from Sidhartha. Buddha says it all. Rather, I love this quote from Siddhartha Buddha, which says it all, holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent or throwing it at someone else, you are the one that gets burned. Bottom line, the more you hold on to hatred, the more likely it is that the hot coal of the emotion will burn you. And the more you feed it, the stronger it becomes. And I remember that feeling once when I hated someone for how they treated me. And you know, it went on for weeks, and I just felt shit. If I'm honest. Now, I just think well maybe should have could have perhaps, they were feeling this way. And so I think there's a really great acronym, to control feelings that lead to hatred. And I kind of found this one which was haitch is for healing. A is for aggressive. T is for thoughts. An E is emotionally, so to control feelings that lead to hatred. Think about that. acronym, healing, aggressive thoughts emotionally. So how can you defuse any hatred that you may be feeling? How about taking a deep breath, exhale slowly, and repeat. And they do say about doing mindfulness and breathing, I do love it in the mornings when I can just take five, anything between five to 15 minutes, and just be silent. But there's some of you out there that just think that I don't know what you're talking about teen, I don't pay anything. I'm just really cool about shit and don't get wound up. But I bet you, you've used that word hate towards somebody. Think about challenging your rational, hateful thoughts, and replacing it with karma, thoughts. If your feelings are directed at another person, limit your contact, shut them out of their life, cancel them, cancel them, that's a great opportunity to do it. Especially if you feel they've done you wrong. And if your feelings are directed at another person, employ a distraction strategy strategy to refocus your mind. Go for a walk, watch a movie, read a book, talk to somebody on the phone that you'd love like and whatever. Another one, I think under this whole banner of the difference and the hating is self hatred. I think that's a massive one because too often we turn our feelings dislike on ourselves. We don't really love ourselves, which is you know, it's really damaging. Hey, turned inward can crush your spirit and impact your health. Take overeating. For example, if you've ever met anybody with anorexia or bulimia, they hate who they are. They look in the mirror. They just say they are symptom is they are a symptom of self hate. That's overeating. Sorry, overeating is a symptom, not a eating disorders stem from self hate. So they just eat and eat and then they throw up and then they eat. And that's how self hate manifests itself. Other things that happen under the influence of self hate. And when you injuring yourself now, you're not going to like this, but I did this. Did I put it down cell fate? I don't know. But when I was younger, because it could have been attention. I think there's a fine line. But when I was about I think I'd moved into this children's home. It was when I was about. I'd like to say 10 Yeah, I can picture the room I was in how weird is that? Um, yeah, I was picturing the room I was in.

And I started I got a little razor blade and started carving into my arm. My name is gone. Now it wasn't that deep. And I got extreme pleasure from it. And then it was bloody sore afterwards. But the other thing I used to do, which wasn't hate, but I love the crunch and the pain was piercing my own ear. I peers one of my ear six times and I used to just put an ice cube on it, freeze it and then sterilise a safety pin. And then I push this safety pin through and I can hear it going through the layers of skin. Imagine that. But did I hate myself? I don't know. It was too long ago but I did carve into my arm quite a bit. There's nothing there now. But self haters are driven to punish themselves for a variety of reasons such as insecurity. I think I was insecure actually, when I think about this, guilty I felt alone If I didn't think I felt unattractive, but I don't know I was so young and productive or so critical and these negative internal feelings, shape and give life to the destructive impulses of self hatred. Why do people hate others or something people may hate others or something. I think I've just discussed a little bit more about this, but I was doing some really serious reading on this hate thing because it really isn't cool. And they can be complex and deep rooted in human psychology and social dynamics. Some common factors that contribute to hatred include fear, people may hate others or something because they fear it. Fear of the unknown fear of change or fear of perceived threats can lead to feelings of hatred. This fear may be based on prejudice, stereotypes, and misconceptions. Difference, another gulp of minty people often harbour negative feelings towards individuals or groups were different from them, whether it'd be different from race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, so you get the gist, you know, anybody who's different people hate them. And that leads in itself to prejudice and discrimination, jealousy, envy and jealousy are massive and can give rise to hatred. When people feel that someone else has something they desire or want. It can lead to negative emotions. And I think pretty much in school, if you saw, you know, Vanessa, who looks beautiful and all the boys are asked I hate Vanessa, or there was Nicola in class, you always got A's, I hate Nicola. And you don't really mean it. But those words are destructive. And research has shown especially in school, when some of these kids who are as kind of introvert sitting on their own all the time just building up the hate these the ones that go on to do mass killings and stuff as well. It was shocking when I was reading about hate, personal insecurity, that's about someone's self worth or abilities can manifest as hatred towards others, some people may project their insecurities onto others, by belittling them or attacking them to feel better about themselves. And I think I had this a little bit actually in school, when I used to attack this one girl, because she was always on at me, are you going home to sleep with loads of other kids tonight because she knew I was in a home. And so I used to attack her and Melissa hurt her. And actually was quite nasty because she was nasty to me. But it is what it is. I think I've learned from when I get older because I'm quite a strong character, my voice comes across as strong. So it's not hard for me to be literal somebody it certainly wasn't then and it certainly wouldn't be now but I don't do it now, because I'm a good girl, I think. But there are other things like historical and societal factors. Sometimes hatred can be fueled by the historical governance, sorry, historical grievances or societal influences. deep seated conflicts, systemic discrimination and cultural biases can contribute to hatred between groups. And we've seen this religion sometimes becomes the root of all evil, and colour and everything else, especially in countries that don't stamp it and there is a massive divide. I'm gonna leave those countries kind of alone in terms of naming them but I do feel there's some places that I visit and it's so divided, even sit in on a transport and you go into one area and it's all white, then it's all black, or it's all this religion or something else is weird. Miscommunication and misunderstanding. Hatred can stem from a lack of understanding or pure communication. When people don't take the time to listen to and empathise with others, it can lead to misunderstandings and ultimately, a trade group dynamics group mentality can intensify feelings of hatred. In some cases, people may be swept up in group think or peer pressure. You know, some people are led by hate because of others and they get pulled into these cults and they go on to do things. I freakin hate that Think for yourself, which is just as bad, but you do get that and then psychological factors. Individual psychological factors such as unresolved trauma, anger issues, or personality disorders, can also contribute to the feelings of hatred. It's kind of scary. This word is really scary, but I know that I, if I can help myself within my power, I am not going to use the word hate. Remember, it's a destructive and very powerful emotion that can have harmful consequences for both the person experiencing it, and the person who's on the receiving end. Overcoming hatred often requires self reflection, empathy and efforts to better understand and connect with others. Society also plays a signal nificant role in addressing and combating hatred through, you know, education legislation and promoting inclusivity and tolerance. Hate that I've experienced, I've sort of mentioned it, but I'm going to summarise it for being black, express the growing up in an all white neighbourhood. Being good at my sport, I was hated. I was hated. I had my first international for netball, and athletics at 16. And I was hated for it. I was hated. Because when I was younger, and my hair didn't look like everybody else's, and I didn't dress is nice, because all these different people I live with really didn't give a shit of how I looked. And so I used to get bullied for that. And people hated me. In fact, the hate was so strong, I would try and buy some of my friendships when I was younger, because no one wanted to really be around me because I was excelling in something. But I was different. I was black, and I wasn't Brown, I was black. Anybody who knows me, I'm a dark skinned black woman. And some people have hated not not for me, I don't think jokingly but for maybe doing okay, in my career, even when people used to say to me, jokingly I hate you, because you became the Olympic torch bearer. Now, even though it's joking, again, it's the power of the word hate, because they probably weren't jealous, and they hated me for it. So you can laugh it off. You can use it in a sentence like that. But someone said that, and it always felt weird to me. So I guess my parting word is today really think about the power of your words. Even when you say you love someone, and I had this discussion with somebody the other day, about friendships. Because they were talking about, oh, yeah, I've got this friend who does that. And it just sounded like they had a lot of friends. Now, don't get me wrong, some people have a lot of friends. But I don't use that term too loosely. I'm sure I've spoken about friendships on here before. But again, it's a word, it's a powerful. It's a thing that you're saying. You're saying someone is a friend, when they could be an acquaintance or someone you know, I just know, I know a lot of people, but I've got probably five friends. If I'm honest. On one hand, these are the people that have ride or die that will do anything for you. And there are different friends for different things like I seem to have one of my male friends that always praises me about work, we never really get together, he will never invite me out to dinner. Like with all his other friends. I'm a different kind of friend. Now it could be because I'm female, and he's married, but I know his wife, I have known them for absolutely ages, but we've got a different kind of friendship. And then you've got the friend that will probably speak to you every week, you may not meet up but you're more likely to meet up with them. Anyway, I'm going a bit off piste here, because I think we do friends are wrapping in with something else. So my thing is, choose love not hate people. And until the next time, I'll try to get this more regular unless see how raw this sounds and get it out there. And people should comment back to me and say, Yeah, I do like it when you edit it. And all I'm going to do really I've coughed a bit in there. So I think you won't hear some coughing. But other than that, I'm gonna leave that Sandy Malcolm out of breath. I'm actually doing this on my standup desk today. And it feels so much better to be standing and talking. I'm kind of beginning to froth at the mouth of it. However,

I've got something exciting to tell you that in a week or so as time I will be sunning myself in Cape Verde. There you go. If anybody wants to come and bear with me, I'll be away. But now on a serious note, it's going to be hot is here. I can't wait because I'm feeling very tired. And I can't believe we are just around the corner from another massive festive season, which is probably going to be riddled with hate and self loathing and overeating and people going broke because they want to buy stuff that's out of their means. And it's funny because I always used to say I hate Christmas. Now I'm going to embrace that period of time to see people that I haven't seen or loved ones that I haven't seen for a little while and just enjoy the break because everybody has to shut down. So listen, guys think of me in a week or so sunning myself and I'll be back very soon with embracing uncertainty. And then I think it's going to be time for me to do an interview with somebody because everybody always loves those. All right, take care, my beautiful people and I'll speak to you very soon