Wellbeing

Real Women Real Talk is me being joined by some guests to talk about topics that we all need to consider. In this week's episode, Donna, Rita and I discuss Wellbeing. 

Wellbeing encompasses various aspects of an individual's life, including physical, mental, emotional, and social dimensions. It refers to a state of being comfortable, healthy, and happy, both personally and in relation to one's environment. We discuss how wellbeing is holistic and encompasses various dimensions of life. It involves striving for balance and harmony in all aspects of one's existence as well as requiring ongoing effort and attention to maintain and improve one's wellbeing over time.

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Transcript

E80 - Real Women Real Talk_Wellbeing

00:00

Welcome, everybody. As I've just mentioned, I've just introduced Rita and Donna who join me today for this fantastic episode what what I think will be a fantastic episode of Real women real talk. Welcome, Donna. Welcome Rita. How are you today? Ladies?

00:14

We're well, thank you. Thank you, Tina, thank you for being able to have this forecast with you. Looking forward to it, actually.

00:21

Oh, Donna, how are we feeling today? Same

00:24

here, Tina, I'm feeling very well, it's a it's a very good topic to be talking about. Because I have been in that space for a little while now. I'm feeling well today. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to come and join you.

00:37

I love that. Donna's just said looking forward to the topic because I haven't told anybody what the topics of today. But I will tell you now. It's called wellbeing. And I think it's really important. It's women that we really look at our well being. And we should be asking ourselves if I've done this week, I had to go to hospital yesterday, as a lot of you followed my journey. We were going to record yesterday and ask these ladies if we could change. And, you know, I sat in the hospital yesterday. And I really thought about how am I? And it's really funny whenever I go into a hospital because I am so adverse to hospitals and I get really scared. I'm overly nice. So I go to reception. I say how are you today? I'm Tina, I'm here to it's like I go into this whole different character. So I went in there yesterday, and it was a really positive result I got discharged was something I had the operational hub for Christmas is absolutely fine. Yes, she will feel this. And it felt I felt so joyous when I when I walked out of it. But that's just a physical part of it, you know, well being is massive. And I want to sort of ask Donner and Rita what they think about wellbeing in terms of how do we define it? What do you what do you define as well being returned? For

01:52

me? Well, being a simple, it's feeling good and functioning well. So functioning mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, you know, well, and how, and just being true to myself, just looking inside and just feeling grateful. And coming out of it, knowing that I am not worrying about what I don't have to. And if I am really bringing myself to that place of asking myself, What am I worrying about? Just so I can deal with that. Because once I know that, I mean, emotionally, psychologically, I am feeling centred, there is nothing that bothers me, I can go outside my door, feeling very confident when my head lifted high. If I don't feel like that, then it's just that snowball of doubting yourself and not feeling good about yourself. So for me, while being it's really feeling good about yourself and feeling functioning, that you're functioning well, and then feeling very grateful. And I say that purposefully, really asking myself, What am I grateful for and being grateful. And when I am in that state, nothing can stop me. Wow, nothing

03:05

can stop me now. And I think just on your point there that it was a bit like that yesterday, because I always have a sixth sense. But nothing was wrong. But I wanted it doubly checked out. Because so often, we leave it so long, we leave it so long. But I knew yesterday when I walked into that hospital, it's going to be all right. I felt this is going to be okay. But it was just having that. That kind of backing but then, you know, the well being that bits. Okay, so how do I work on everything else? But what about you, Donna? What do you think about well being?

03:34

The way I define it? Is my experience in good health? Am I happy? Am I prosperous? Is my mental health. Okay? Am I feeling satisfied in life? Is there a sense of purpose for me? And am I living in it?

03:52

I think it's funny, isn't it? Because there's some women that actually don't ask the question about wellbeing. And I'm thinking about some leaders and I'm thinking about some females, especially in the workplace that don't know their well being is on point. How do we address that what what we what contributes to well being to understand if it's going okay, I think I've said to you guys before, there's a couple of people I know, that seem to be charging through these really, really, really senior leadership positions. And for me, I think they've lost who they are in that they've lost their well being because they've been sick. And there's so many other things but what really contributes to well being Rita so wellbeing is

04:35

really linked to our life experiences and circumstances and our own values and norms and what we see so someone will link their well being I mean, tip picking example from Donna in terms of how they are doing financially, or how they are doing professionally and that is so linked to their well being you And in that are things that are in their control and outside their control. So where you have control over your own finances, you feel empowered, where you've picked up a value or something that is really outside your control. And it's linked to you and how you feel about yourself, then you are trying to define yourself based on what other people could do to you. Which means that, for example, if your well being is linked to your career, and the job title, and the six figures you're earning, and all of those links to your well being, then when all those things are taking off, it's like someone on a ladder, you just crumble, because that is what you're holding us true to you. And I think it's really important that we define what makes us satisfied. And we know that it's be within our own sphere of control, and things that are not within our sphere of control, we put it right there, it's not within my control. And how do I deal with that. And I think that's why you will find that so many people get to the top because they're working really hard, because that's how they identify themselves of who they are. And once that is taken out from them, they begin to crumble because they've defined themselves in those terms. So

06:16

they've let the IU samen, which makes sense, they've let their job or their work situation define them as opposed to having their own values, belief systems, etc.

06:27

It could be so it could be the job. I mean, we have people who are defined by their marriage, it could be people defined by their children. So it really can be anything that you've picked up as what makes you who you are. And once that thing is gone, you could end up really feeling flustered. And we have to constantly check what we are basing ourselves on. And how that can impact on not only our psychological well being but the emotional well being. And before you realise it's affected your physical well being and and then it just snowballs.

07:06

Yeah. So how do you relate to all of that

07:09

very well. And it could be career, that path that you're following that could have a significant impact on your well being. And so when work life balance came into play, was really important, because there's a lot of times where our well being is affected. And it's not about how we're feeling it's about those around us. We may have a career that we're focusing on, we've made so many sacrifices to focus on career, but at the same time, we are leaving out family, we're not taking them on the journey could be our children. And so it's be it's been able to identify those red flags, you know, if we have a situation where work and life is not balancing, and it's not, it's not affecting our internal physical health, but it's affecting our external because it may be that it's our husband or our children, that's, you know, that's having an issue. Those are the red flags for us to stop and say, you know, we really need to make sure that we are focusing on family and family is a huge value that we have. It's a huge, it's a huge importance for many of us. And so if our family, someone in our family is not having good health or good well being or off the rail, it affects us detrimentally. So we have to kind of put ourselves in the centre all the time and say, let's look at what is happening around us knowing ourselves knowing what's important to us knowing our values, and taking the time out to pay attention.

08:58

Can I be a devil's advocate, because there's a couple of people I'm thinking of. And I think his rhetoric when they say about family means everything, because the way I see them operate in the workplace. It's admits that Charles has been taken to hospital or they've been chucked out of school or something. Where they're just on a tunnel vision is all about work. I've actually never seen anything like it. I'm not you know, I've got some real life examples I'm thinking of with these people now. And you kind of think I'm going to I haven't got children so I don't know what it feels like. But I feel for their children because I think you should be at least home a couple of nights a week to be with them and have that energy and that time together even with their husbands they should be there but they're not. They're going out for drinks. I've got to meet this person I've got to meet and I think what you're chasing and then to see the same so people sick and then the talking about living in big houses for what there's only a few of you in the family. What what are you going to do with all of this So my question to both of you, whoever wants to answer it, what if someone literally just spots the spot, but they're not living it, so they can't actually recognise their well being is essentially messed up. Over to you too,

10:13

I think. I'll say that to yourself be true. And we all are on a live journey. And it takes sets and circumstances to really prioritise. So for them, they feel that they are prioritising their family, because they're giving their family things. And it's when you go through life that you realise that you I mean, actually the other things, and you could lose them. And there are more important things that you could give to your children than physical things. But we are going through that journey. And there'll be lots of grownups out there listening who are probably very old in age, but not very mature, because they've not gone through those circumstances. And it takes you hitting that brick wall to suddenly stop and ask yourself what you're looking for. I will also say that we all have very different personalities. So someone's personality may be very sanguine, they are people who just get, you know, they feed off people's energy. And for them, they need that energy, they need to be in that place, that is what makes them and therefore they're more likely to be sociable, more likely to want to be out there doing those things. And that helps them with their well being. Whereas another person may be very introverted, and may take all their energy from themselves or being within themselves in their own home, we are all very different. But when you bring boil it down, it is about you knowing yourself, knowing what drives you, and where your limits are, as Donna said, Knowing your red lines, no one when it's going too far. But making sure that you're looking after yourself, so that you can be there for your family and be there for your work if that is that important to you, or whatever you're doing within the community. Because once you're not there, you can't help anybody or you can't be there for the people you claim to be there for? And

12:09

do you think this thing comes back to values and stuff, and understanding what your values are and your belief systems,

12:14

it is, sometimes, you know, you want to be there for your family. But when you have the pressures of work, you have your pressures off your line managers, you have those targets, those KPIs, those performances that you have got to meet at work, it's very, very difficult for you to kind of say to your line manager, you know, my children need me or my husband need me you have those pressures coming at you from work. And sometimes if the culture at the organisation isn't great, it's not very easy for you to sit down and say to a manager, can I have the time off? Or can I have the leave that I'm entitled to I've known people who have booked their annual leave to take their loved ones to the GP. And that's been turned down by their managers because they have to meet that target and they have to meet that deadline, in the culture at the organisation is not great. And you, you know, you can't find a good line manager or a good person that you trust in the organisation to speak with, you have to get it out somewhere. And I would advise that you find someone who you can trust, to speak to about this challenges that you're having, so that you can break it down into small pieces and deal with it individually. So you don't get overwhelmed. Because more and more with finding the pressures in the workplace is just about achieving those KPIs spoke about people may have children, they may have husband, people who don't have children and husband may have a mom, they may have a sister, they may have people that they're caring for we all have someone who is important to us. And we have to really see how we can support people in the workplace to have that work life balance and to give them that safe space where they can come and say, My cat or my dog needs to go to the vet today. Whatever it is that's important to them. We need to really listen and give them that time. So that that those things help your well being in overall holistically.

14:20

Yeah, I kind of hear what you're saying. And it's interesting, isn't it? Because a lot of workplaces and I know listeners we've gone into a work mode now but soon as work plays such a big part of our lives. It is important that we address this. And I was just thinking about something then because I had a friend over for dinner last week lunch and we were talking about you know during lockdown, she was a business development senior leader in a media agency. And when lockdown happened, she decided and she's going to be listening to this podcast that she would do something that I think it started out with helping the homeless and making soups. And you know, she said she enjoyed it so much. This is a part are afraid because she probably cursed me when she hears this podcast. So it wasn't that way, Tina. But she's totally given up that big job. And She now runs a whole thing around soups and stews, she does home deliveries, something is totally, totally different to what she's done before. And she feels fantastic about that. And the her well being is great. She balances off the yoga and does all these nice things. And she's building his business. And it's, it's so fascinating to see. Now, the reason why I've started mentioning this, because we've spoken about doing something together, potentially around the workshop, and potentially around the word happiness. For me, I was thinking the other day about, you know, yes, I do business coaching, there's loads of life coaches, but I'm thinking, I don't even want to use the word coach. But there's almost something I could see in the workplace as the happiness, whatever guru or whatever that people could go and have a chat with. So they're closely aligned for that in house HR, because at the end of the day you want someone to talk to, and let's just take, you know, there's going to be some people that have, they could be working on The Checkout in Tescos, part time, to someone who's a senior leader that we've all been. So we're hoping to those people go in talk to if they are not really feeling great, or whatever, what if there was this person that's confidential, that they could go and get advice off of, you know, it's three times I've asked if I can go to the doctors to dollars point to take my son, and they said, No, how do I address this? Maybe that person can guide them and say, Well, maybe let's go back to your foundational belief system, is this job right for you, if they're gonna turn you down for something that's really important for you all the time. But to just get some other solutions. I don't know what you think about that. And as a bit mumbo jumbo, but I'm just wondering if there's someone that could be parachuted into some of these workplaces that they're not, you know, so that people go and talk to us like having a little prayer room for Muslims that needs to pray five times a day, is there something that we could have where people could go and talk to somebody in the workplace, that is wholly confidential, but they can get guidance from and have that support, every

17:09

workplace should have that. I mean, we have the various structures in terms of HR, having your line manager, having supervision, having workplace champions that could, you know, support people in listen to, to issues that are going on. But I won't say that, as I have risen through I have found having a personal coach, so important and invaluable. Because as you rise in leadership, you need someone just as you've described it confidential somewhere where you can just go in sound out, without knowing that it'll go back to your line manager, it's not everything we want to discuss at work. And therefore you have that ear or someone who can actually guide or listen, whatever that case may be. But in the workplace, it's important that we have that. And it doesn't necessarily have to be in the workplace, you can have a good friend that you admire, that you can talk to who could advise you. And we all need those kinds of people that we can talk to who will hear us where we don't feel judged, be feel listened to. So yes, it is important that the workplace does that we are in a time where people are looking for good workers. It's not just having workers, it's having good workers. And it's a shame after spending so much money recruiting good people, for them to walk because of the culture in the workplace. And this is something that is spoken about, I think in boardrooms and spoken about in, in senior leadership teams and in spoken about across even you know, across the floor, because people are looking for good people to come in work. And and I think that is part of the culture of ensuring that when they come to work, they feel supported. Having said that, there are people within teams, who will be sick every every other day, and everybody else has to pick up on their work. So there is that balance as well. But on the whole people should feel that they can go into a workplace where they feel supported. And if you go into a workplace and you feel you don't get the support, your mental health is being impacted. your well being is being impacted. It's following you home, you're not sleeping, you're now beginning to show the signs, there is nothing on us that can compromise your health. And you will have to look at how that impacts on you and make the decision whether that's the environment where you want to be because you're not flourishing.

19:39

I agree with that Rita and I think that a lot of there's a there's quite a few things you raised there but one of the things for me is people will back along because they need the money. And yet your health is so compromised. That actually that money means nothing if you get long term sick donor, what do you think about that? So

19:58

I think in I'm not sure what we're saying is, whatever your challenge is, we should find someone or a safe space where we can discuss these issues and talk about it. And as Rita said, organisations or company or wherever you're working would have some sort of a structure. So everyone will have the line manager sometimes is the line manager that's putting the pressure on you. So it's very difficult for you to go. So it's about you identifying who you trust. And if it's your neighbour, if it's your friend, if it's even your GP, I wanted to bring up the example of each organisation may have an employee assistance programme. And a lot of times those are underutilised because people don't have the time to sit down and to go to the process of accessing someone. And I would urge people to find that time for themselves to get it because Rita spoke about having a coach, but also, counsellors and therapists are a great way of supporting yourself and self taking care of your yourself by speaking to those therapists and counsellors. And if organisation are providing this through the employee assistance programme, it's important for individuals to access those support and speak about what is the challenges you're having? When you do counselling us, you know, I've had a lot of counselling myself, I've had coaching, and it's very much about self help. The counsellors and the coach are not there to tell you what to do. It's about you speaking about it and finding your way find it, what do they call it, the woods with the tree, separating it, finding out what is troubling you what should be the resolution for that. And if you take the time out to spend your time seeking those kinds of support that's targeted, you will find yourself working your way through those problems and challenges that you're experiencing

22:08

one of my experiences in the workplace when I was working full time, employed by somebody, the line manager, and many other people, I just didn't trust them, right? Because I've been compromised. So that happens to a lot of people, why am I going going to go into a place where the culture is a little bit, you know, rabid? And then I'm going to try and find this employment programme that because actually, when I walk in this place, it just makes me freeze or whatever. So I think what you both said is, I think the first port of call, if I would say to our listeners, if anybody's going through something, Who is that friend, within your network, let's start with that. Because not everybody can afford to go and pay for a coach, not everybody, because some people have a whole myth around counselling and therapy, and I've had loads of it. And I love it, you know, talking about, you know, I've got one of my male friends into it, who was the last person I thought would have done it. And he said, I've learned so much about myself. And it's not just about work, it's about life, getting to know yourself, even if you want to get to know yourself, you know, you could start with that friend. And it might be not be the friend that you go shopping with or have dinner with. Or it might be one of the silent friends in the background that you respect, that you could go and say, I need to have a really deep conversation with you about me. And I need you to help me on this journey a little bit. Because once you can confess with somebody and confined not to first live with somebody and have that chat, it will help to lift a load because so many of us go home, and you talk to your partner, talk to your husband or talk to the wall, in my case. And you know, who is that special person, it's not going to judge you. You don't want to be judged. You want to be able to fit you don't have to be a counsellor that friend. But that's what I would say to some of our listeners out there. So I'm going to move this on a little bit and how do we maintain well being and I'm talking about exercise, holistic approach, you know, whether it's a miracle morning the 5am Club mindfulness embracing uncertainty, Donna heard you maintain your well being? I think we can all jump in into this conversation. Yeah,

24:10

and there is a lot of before we go into that we just wanted to pick up on a point that that we spoke about earlier where we said that if someone's mental health is being come from eyes, that they should take themselves in that environment, it could be that they leave that job, and I wanted to look at it from a different angle, because a lot of times we say to people, if the workplace is that bad, why are you there? Why do you stay but for some people, they have worked hard to build a career for themselves. And I don't feel that those people who are being treated unfairly should remove themselves from an organisation. Because we are saying, Oh, if it is that bad, you should leave. If it's that bad, what I would have Five people to this to take care of their health, take care of the mental health through all of this stuff we're discussing and we are going to discuss, but to be resilient and to continue to push forward. Because

25:11

so how would they do that on a give some practical steps? Because that is easier said than done when you're in the matrix, right? I've been in it before with one particular company, I couldn't see I couldn't I wasn't mature enough to see it. I was just going home so stressed and felt I was being victimised. But so what are some practical steps that somebody could take?

25:29

I think, for me, the first thing I would say is, look at the situation, and how it's impacting you. So it could be many ways, it could be the fact that it's affecting your reputation. It's affecting your health, it's affecting your team performance, whatever that is, we need to address them individually. From my experience, I have had a situation similar that happened to me. And it started to affect my health. And I was trying to reach out to someone in the organisation to really discuss it. But my struggles was, I never felt safe. I never felt as if, if I were to bring up these challenges, I wouldn't be protected, I felt as if I was going to lose my job. And I felt as if, yeah, so it's about finding that safe space, finding someone that you can trust to talk about it so that you can see, you can rationalise it because when you're in that situation, it's very difficult for you to see the logics, it's a lot around the emotions. And in the end, it was my, my GP that I spoke to, and I felt safe there. And I was able to speak about the situation started to focus on my health. And through focusing on health. And with my GPS help, I was able to communicate that to my employees. And while going through sorting out my health, I felt a little bit more empowered, because I had the support of my GP. And so that's how I was able to deal with that situation. But I'm not sitting here saying it's any of the situation is easy, because even if it's your team's performance, or your performance, it's still a challenge. But it's important for you to identify which one it is, and separate them. Because if you're dealing with everything at the same time, it can become overwhelming. And a lot of people becomes overwhelmed in the workplace. Because if it's their health, that affect the the their performance, the team performance, and they're trying to deal with all of that as at once, then those are the things that bring people into that space of feeling overwhelm. So basically, what I'm saying is just to be specific deal with one thing at a time, I

27:55

will go back to a question you asked Tina, and I don't think we answered it. And that has to do with values. And I think you asked that question about I mean, is this linked to our values, and yes, it is linked to our values, I would say that value is anything that you put, you know, real worth to in something, the things that you mean so much to you, that is what grounds you that is your red line, that is what defines you, those are the principles or the principles in life that you live by. And what you would say, I will not cross this line, then no matter what it is, you hold on to those principles, because they are your guiding light, almost that blue star for you as to, you know, that is me. And I will not compromise on which then underpins all the things that we're saying. So if your integrity is so important to you, and you're in a workplace where you think your integrity is being compromised, you will struggle to want to want to be part of it. Because you're going you're swimming against your own tide. Because you believe that you have to be in a place where your integrity will not be compromised. If you're in a place where you think your self respect is so important to you. And for you that is you hold that dear. Then when you are in a place where you don't feel respected, no matter how much you want to stay, you want to make it work, you are swimming against that tide to make it work than going against your own truth. And so when we're talking about how to maintain your well being, it's important to understand your own values that you hold. What are the things that make you what are the things that you can go back home and no matter how tired you are and how stressful the day was, you can still say I've had a good day because it has ticked off all your values of integrity, of being dependable, of being generous, of being helpful. Being a team player being courageous. All those values that make you no matter how difficult and challenging the situation is. You've been able to take it off, and therefore you feel good. We are humans, we feel so good, like the friend USA talking about she feels good, because she's given her values is to help. That's why she's in business development, she's to develop people to make sure things are going forward to grow and see things grow. And therefore she's in a place where that has been compromised, she doesn't feel like her true self is being realised. So it's really about yourself, no one can advise us to stick with something or not to stick with something, it's really about understanding you. And that's where it starts, once you understand yourself, you could say, give me the hard work, I can deal with it. But I can't deal with a place where people are lying, I cannot be in a place where people are bullying people, I cannot be in a race where people are back did you get to me, you have your red lines, and that is difficult for you to actually accommodate. And that is where you begin to start seeing actually am I in the right place, if you feel you're in the right place. But it's because the work is difficult, it's because you really are struggling to understand what's been assigned to you or you don't feel you're supported, then, or you are in an area where you know things are being compromised, then you can actually seek that support. Because what you're asking for is support. It's not about yourself, it's about the external environment, and what you have to do to make the instale environment right,

31:23

I think the key thing you just said that is all about you, right? It starts at home, that home, your temple is yourself. And it's about working on yourself, what do they say? How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself, whether that's a partner, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I think that's really important. A lot of people actually don't know themselves. And I have done so much personal development on me. That actually what you're saying that is really key in the workplace, because all we're even working for yourself. So I don't want everybody to has to assume we're just talking about people, but there's a lot of people work for themselves out there. And how do you keep that kind of, you know, I'm dealing with people, I'm still waiting on two people to sign off for some contracts, because we've done the work. And I'm starting to think, Oh, God, my value, one of my values is I care for others and help others. But do not take the mick, do you not? I mean, there's there's a certain level that you can take it where somebody said to me, Oh, don't worry, Tina, they always take a long time to get back to us. Yeah, but we need to get paid, we've done the work. So I may care for them. I may believe in the work that they've done, we'll do our doing rather. But let's bring it back to reality. Now. We need to get paid, we've done the work and it's gone radio silence for a couple of weeks. So I just think that self bid is really important. And I'd say to anybody out there, start looking at how you can work on yourself and whether that's through again, you know, confiding in someone but I'm gonna come back to Richmond Donner and ask them about their values, because we've come back to this again, because some people don't know their values. And I think it's good if people start writing it down. So for me, I do value caring for others, I do value my personal space, big time. So for me that personal space will be a really missed X I'm having this operation for Christmas not being able to go to the gym or exercise the way I want. So I'm going for walks, well, you know, I'm getting a bit bored of the walk in there, but I've been given the green light. So I'd really value exercising, because it releases endorphins, it keeps me fit and actually it really sets me up for work as well whatever work I'm doing, I really value I realised again, I had seven girlfriends around on Saturday, we were brokers we ate we drank everybody brought food I realised I value having that social bit around me sometimes it was really nice to having that come company because actually you know some stats this week as well about loneliness and you can be lonely with your with a husband or partner whatever it is the loneliness factor start to kick in as people get older. But that's another topic for another day, I think but I could go on I really value holidays. So that's something completely different, you know, to what I've just said, but I think understanding your values my and I value respect, truth and honesty. And this is why I set up this podcast own your truth, my life not yours. This is why I set it up. So that's some of mine. I'm going to ask Dawn and Rita some of their values. Now Donna,

34:24

my three top values. Number one it i spirituality. And secondly, it's my health. And so those things are really core and they make up who I am and how

34:41

do you sorry, no, sorry me too of yours.

34:44

I would say my faith. My faith as a Christian is what centres me and my family what centres me and my health. As I said my not emotional psychological the whole thing being able to to be true But yes, my faith number one, in my family in my health in that in that order, if the add some of it, I would say that for me, integrity, honesty is really important to me and be bringing value wherever I am, I want to think that I am adding value. And if I don't think I'm adding value, I would want to extract myself very quickly from it.

35:25

So I think listeners that will give you some examples, and I think you should go away in a little journal or something and write down your values and align that with what's going on in your life right now. If it's a tick, tick tick in all areas, great. If there's a little bit of flux, how can you how can you address that? So I'm going to go back to the last question there. Now we've done the values bit and we were right to be pulled back to that has we maintain our own wellbeing? So what do you do to maintain your well being, if you know, your well being is Donna.

35:55

Okay, so with my I know what my well being is about experiencing all the things that we were talking about in a good positive way, the way how I maintain my well being. So firstly, I talk about my spirituality to be in my top values. So I do meditation, I also do my devotion. And I do that first thing in the morning. And last thing at night, it's really, really key and important to me, if I if I find myself not able to do it, it does have an impact on me, I don't feel settled, I don't feel comfortable. So I know immediately that that is the reason why I don't feel comfortable. If I've not done my meditation or my devotion. The other thing is my health, I'm really, really, it's really, really important to me, my family health is important to me, there's a lot of illnesses within my family. And one of the things I'm doing at the moment, I have this app on my phone, it's called the F fitness app, I know there's lots of different apps that people can use. That's the one that I use. And it's the link to my skill and I can when I when I use it, I can tell which part of my health I need to focus on currently my intake in protein is very low. So I am focusing on that and it's it helps me to be specific in targeting the areas that I need to I need to look at. Oh, well what's it called? which offers is F fitness app? There

37:36

you go people the F fitness app. So if you get and you know what? It's funny because as women, some people especially because if you don't mind me saying donor dollars vegetarian, and somebody asked me the other day, why don't you get your protein from veggies, you all need to go and watch the Netflix programme you are what you eat, which is a scientific study done by Stanford University, which is absolutely fantastic. Carnivore versus plant based, and it will shock you. And a lot of people say here but Tina, there's loads of those out there. I think this one is a really good one. A really good one. And there is I think it's about knowledge is power. I love that phrase. Because a lot of people are not not knowledgeable when it comes to especially vegetarian. I know we're going off piece but it's all Sue well being. But you know, there are

38:25

a podcast. So that's another talk. I've

38:30

just read it. But um, yeah, you know, is and I think I will have you know, one title of a podcast called Knowledge is power because a lot of people don't they get fed by what other people say. And don't check it out for themselves. But anyway, yes, I quite like the idea that don't I'm gonna have a look at that one protein, but I was just gonna say a vegetarian. There is a lot of protein and a lot of stuff in vegetarian foods. So yeah, and

38:55

so I like it because it helps you to be more specific. So when you talk about my diet, I do follow a strict vegetarian vegan diet. And I am actually looking at what are the healthy fruits and the healthy intake that I can have to improve the protein. I do also some workouts I walk the dog morning and evening but I do have some time to myself where I fit in my own personal workout for myself. And so I'm now weighing up how do I burn fat instead of carb and that's something that the F fitness is trying to help me to be specific on rather than you know, how do I make sure that I am burning the fat rather than the carbon those those specific targets connects to your well being as well because if you have got areas where you're deficient in that could affect your your mental health as well. So if you want To be understanding where you are in terms of your mental wellness, you want to make sure that you're looking at your nutrition. And you're taught, you're being targeted. And you're being specific as well, that the other things. And then the final bit I wanted to say, because I'm just aligning the examples with my values. So for family time, I have got two children, and I'm a divorcee. But I do have a partner and we try to do stuff with each other all the time with my family, we meet up every other week, whether it's at my home, my my sister's home, my son's home, so that we can do stuff. And we have date, and I have date nights as well. So it's about making sure that you plan and put those times in place.

40:46

Yeah, I totally agree with that. And the only thing I wanted to say I love the family piece, the only thing I wanted to say with the other bit with a fitness because you know, that's my thing is, you know, when people have too much sugar in their diet, it kind of matches what's meant to be going on with your health. But I'm not gonna go into that we'll do that another day. Rita, how do you maintain your well being which is nice $100 in line because she's aligned it with her values? And maybe you can do the same? Yeah,

41:10

I mean, I think my values is very intrinsic to everything I do. And as I said, my faith is really important to me, I am a Christian, a practising Christian, for that matter. I actually am a deemed Reverend minister, and do a lot.

41:28

does that actually mean are ordained for our listeners, what's an ordained?

41:32

Well, I'm a reverend. I'm an ordained Reverend minister with international Pentecostal Holiness Church. And that means that I'm a pastor in a church, I support people, I support the church, I preach, I hold conferences, I teach in Bible school. And I'm very much involved in the day to day life of the church, really ensuring that people are well, and they can do what they want to do and live in their best lives. And when we have issues just like you said, people being able to speak to people, they trust, some of us or they're open, to be able to support people in that space. Being a Christian doesn't mean you do not have those challenges as well. And knowing that there's a trusted space for people like myself, who are in the workplace, who are in that marketplace, facing some of those issues and challenges, who can talk to you and be able to empathise in advice is really important. So, yes, I work about the same time I'm there for the church. But for me, it's not so much of what I do externally, what I do. And so in the morning, it's about that being grateful, it's been really grateful, being thankful, I wake up every day, being thankful and wake up everyday really reflecting on who I am, and how, where I am. And what my value in life is to other people, really praying into the day praying for other people praying for people, I know what we are going through things, so not just for myself. And by the time I finished, I spend my time meditating on it and showing that it's, I'm living my life by those principles. I start off the day. The next is, as I've said, my family, my children, that is very much in the centre of my prayer, pray for them, pray for my extended family, but also ensuring that they're all doing very well as well. I have three sons and with my children who are also doing various things around. But that is not just that core family. It's about people, it's about really putting myself out and knowing that the people who come into my environment, I'm in touch with them. The other is my own health. For me, creativity is the centre, I want to be creative, I always want to be doing something else that is just bringing that creative juices for my mind is taking us to what can I do next. So I am full of busyness and getting myself involved with all sorts of things and giving my time to the community. That is me. It's about really given to the community given to my family. But at the same time, also looking after myself and always centering myself in being grateful for where I am in for what I'm doing.

44:11

Yeah. And I think what you both said, I mean, in terms of myself, in case anybody's wondering, I mean, a lot of people have heard what I do, I do a morning ritual, both like you two, I call it my Miracle Morning, which is done before eight o'clock. Now. I think there's some people, you can go out there and find these different things for yourself. Like there's a 5am club where people will set an alarm for five o'clock because they've seen that some leaders or individuals operate better if they've woken at five they've exercised, they've meditated they've done on that. Five o'clock is pushing it for me. I'm not gonna lie, but if I can do some stuff for eight o'clock, that's fine, too. I do my meditation. It's, you know, people get together this meditation, mindfulness, though. It's about just having that quiet time and concentrating on your breathing and letting whatever comes into your mind. Come in, you know, let's take You're on a really basic level. So it's that you can do guided meditation, just close your mind off. And if you're in a busy household, find another room and just go and sit there for yourself for a minute. And just maybe some nice music. Exercise for me is usually, you know, six days a week, you know, I will go out for walks there, I'm not feeling I don't know, I've got a bit of a stuffy head today, I will go out and walk and listen to a podcast, it's really important for me to get out in the elements, I don't care if it's cold, or whatever I wrap up. And then another thing for me that aligns with especially now I, you know, finished some big pieces of work for Christmas, it's, it's slower now. So I'm going to embrace uncertainty. And I did a podcast episode, that's been one of my most popular ones on embracing uncertainty, because not everything is going to be in its place. So I will go with the flows that I usually set my intention the day before, so it will be okay, the doctor said, start working on your abs again, and getting that core strength, I think I'd play around a little bit and do a bit that's, but I've already thought, I'm gonna watch the colour purple today. And I'm gonna write my will. So I've set an intention to do some of these things. And as long as those things get done, I feel grateful, and I'm satisfied. So I'm gonna start wrapping up this conversation. And

46:17

can I jump in? What is interesting is how I'm going to watch a film the colour purple, and then I'm going to write a Well, I mean, it's like,

46:27

you know what it is? I have it on my list of things to do for like a year. And I then spoke somebody last week, my financial advisor who said, Tina, you don't have to pay but other than that, and I was telling him some of the complications I've got with my will, because with my family situation and so forth, and he just gave me the answer. And I felt so joyous. So I'm going to do this online. I know it's so depressing, isn't it but I'm absolutely paranoid about my estate going into my family who it can up to my blood family. And the reason that I know is a bit depressing will be listeners, but last week, I went to other sports massage in Victoria Station, we came at Victoria Station, and where the bus concourses, I said to my friends, I'd also brought see my friend, oh my god, there must have been a major incident out here. Now a lot of you may have seen there's a woman innocently standing at the bus stop in that concourse at Victoria Station in London, because I've got business from all around this bus curtailed onto the pavement hit that she was dead well, so you never know when you're going to step out your house and something's going to happen. So it just has been emphasised with me to just get the deal done. Otherwise, it's gonna go to the people you don't want. So I'm going to do it after our call, because you guys have just inspired to get it done. Actually, we have to embrace it, we're all gonna die. We're all gonna die. So let me get that will sorted. Get something out there because I will be changing it. So

47:53

can I that's what that means. I know when you were talking, when you were talking about your wealth, we talked about, you know, going to the gym and all that. And as I was listening, I was like, I don't I go to the gym. But I don't find it fun at all. I go because it is important.

48:11

But that's why you need to maybe find a different form. When I do personal training, yeah, this used to be an issue. I don't like don't go to the gym, then I want to do group it will find a class. I don't really put don't do that. Honestly, you have to find within that whole fitness that it might be a walk, it might be listening to something because walking is still good. It's the way you challenge yourself. You power walk and you do a couple of hills within there. And then another day it might be you go out with a friend and I do not subscribe to this join a gym thing I do not to subscribe. I'm finally motivated when it comes to working out. So I can work out at home and I can go to the gym. I'm in a really awful gym. It's not a lifestyle gym, it's a cheapo gym, you got all these young boys that are you know, walking around thinking that God's gift and looking at all the young girls because they're on average 22 in my gym, I don't care. It's like getting there and get out. There's a lot of people that need the motivation of classes, or they need people to go with they feel uncomfortable because there are there's a lot of misogyny isn't it around gyms and everything else. So all I'm saying as a general rule of fitness, Rita, if you don't like it, you can either employ me to come and walk with you. Or you just go and do what you enjoy because then there'll be something it could be a salsa class or we know

49:27

I wanted to speak to those who like myself doing it just because it has to be done you have to get out of your house and do that. You

49:36

don't go to the gym I would say absolutely get that because what it's not then it's not sustainable, because people get bored it's like in January all the fitness and all the gyms put out yeah, there's nothing wrong get to the gym because people feel guilty about Christmas, which that's another whole conversation in terms of commercialism of how I sometimes I know Christianity wise, right but what I think Christmas has turned into something it shouldn't have been number One, but it is the whole selling in January, you know got dry January, but this, that and the other. So how does somebody sustain the whole fitness journey through the whole year? Has it become a live part of your life? And the problem is we get seduced by what society is telling us to do. We don't need to go into the gym, you can run around a tree 10 times you got your fitness in. Why do you think so many women now? Well, there's two reasons, which is a funny one, get a dog. Because when you have a dog, you have to walk it unless you're really horrible. I can testify to that. You subscribe to that dollar, it gets you. It gets you a but my god daughter said, oh TRT team. If you want to meet a man, maybe you get a dog because you know, everybody's out walking their dogs like that. How rude. How rude. But you do meet people, right? You meet people, when you walk in a dog you do

50:49

and your dog, you know, it's one of the most loyal friends have my dog or she has an inventor in the clock. He knows in the morning, what time he wants to go out. She knows in the evening. So when I'm working from home at five o'clock or 530, she starts to walk around. And it's like, it's time for you to come up. I'm ready to go for a walk. So yes, I would say yes to the dog, you know Tina in one in one in the I've worked in health and social care for longer than 30 years now. And one of the things we do when we are planning care for individuals for vulnerable people that we work with, is to make sure that it's personalised to them. We call it the PCs a PCP plan, a person centred plan. And as we all need one of those for ourselves, because it looks at everything that we need. And I just also wanted to comment on when you talk about I must get my will sorted out some of the practical ways that you can, that you can practical tools that you can use to improve your well being is time management, and prioritising because if you have these things in the back of your mind, I must get them done. I must get them done. They're not helping your well being. So it's about making sure that you plan your time and utilising it properly and prioritise. And another biggie that people should embrace is how to say no, even to your loved ones. If you know you don't commit, don't feel bad for saying it's a lot of us say no. And for weeks, we're beating up ourselves. Why did I say no? You know, they're gonna think this about me think that about me. We need to get comfortable to put ourselves in that person's in the in the centre of everything that we do, and say no to people. I think

52:45

that's a brilliant one. Because we need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. That's another saying I love and actually saying no. Because what I was guilty off for years. Yeah, I can come out for dinner. No, just say no. And when for that reason is you don't have to always give a reason. But it could be haven't got enough money this month, or I've eaten out five times or whatever, or I put out and then what would happen is I keep saying yes, then I had to cancel people. And that was worse when you cancel people. Because I had one friend at one point say to me, Tina, you're always cancelling. So I didn't expect you to say yes. So I made a decision a couple of years ago, start saying no, if you can't do it, because it's better than cancelling. When I say yes to doing something or whatever, I don't reach Have you got any little practical tips that we can finish off to give to people as well, because I like those done at the same no particularly

53:29

know what to say, when it comes to well being like Don has just said, know yourself, know what really strengthens you. And what makes you uncomfortable. Be very clear with that and be brave enough to stick to it. You don't owe anybody anything. And at the end of the day, you have to go into your own room, and you have to sleep on that bit. And quietly ponder about your own life. You can't live our lives on other people's values and standards. We have to have those standards. And we have to work with that. So don't let let's not live our lives based on other people's standards. Let's live our lives based on what we are comfortable with. Because majority of the things that we're doing is because we want to please the Joneses. We want to be seen in the right place. We want to be driving the right car, we want to be living in the right house. We want people to think differently about us to think a different way about us. It's all about the perception that we're giving out there. And now that we are in a world of social media and Tik Tok and Facebook and whatever we are putting more and more pressure on ourselves that is compromising our well being and compromising our mental, physical, emotional well being. And it's about really peeling it back to me back to what you're saying, really being very aware of your own self and not living by other people's standards. And you are the only one who can do that. No one can do that for you.

55:02

I love that. And I'm just going to finish off by saying, think about people what makes you happy. And on that note, if you enjoyed this podcast, I would like you to rate review and subscribe to it on whatever podcast channel in your discipline and spread the news return, Donald will be joining me again, and we'd love to hear your thoughts. So please, you can actually comment when you listen to a podcast or you can actually email me and send in some questions if you have any. And we can answer those in a future question. Sorry, in a future podcast episode, you can message me on Instagram, a lot of you'd put my handle and we can answer those in the next question. It just means that I'm just gonna say thank you to Rita and Donna for joining me today and hopefully you enjoyed

55:43

it as much as I did. Tina, thank you so much.

55:46

Thank you, Tim.

55:47

Thank you guys. We'll speak to you again until the next one people take care