Personal Development

It's that tme of year that we should think about working on ourselves. To do that, we need to engage in personal or self development. 

Personal development is a holistic process that involves continuous self-reflection, learning from experiences, and taking intentional actions to improve oneself. It's important to note that personal development is a unique journey for each individual, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. It's about finding what works best for you and making consistent efforts to become the best version of yourself.

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Transcript

00:00

Hey, my beautiful people, how are we, I've got to tell you that I'm not feeling great. I stupidly slept with the window open last Sunday. And as a result, I've had a head cold all week. And I'm really trying hard to throw it off because it is beginning to get on my nerves, the hacking cough, the blocked up ears, and the stuffy head. But aside from that, it's cold in the UK. And I'm here on a Sunday doing this podcast for you. And it's all about personal development. And I think it's that time of year where people think about goals that they've never achieved, intentions that they think about and don't intend doing. And then I do some work on myself here. So really, what I wanted to talk about is, how many of us really take time out to work on ourselves, I mean, really, really take time out? Clearly, I'm trying to take time out to work on getting my voice back to normal because I'm either coming across as very sexy or incoherent. But for me, I've embraced PD or self development, personal development is PD, ever since I started my morning rituals, by only reading personal development books and thinking about what it is it's going to make me whole, what is it going to do to get me into a better human? For me, not for anybody else. And I think that, how, and what is personal development, people can be put off by it, but actually, it's the process of learning new things and building new skills that help us to increase our chances of success, getting our goals and manifesting our dreams, you know, you know, I believe in that with the law of attraction. And I was just saying to somebody yesterday, that some of the jobs I've taken in the past, I haven't got a Scooby Doo, what I'm doing that because I love learning. I just get on and do it. And I love it. I think we should look at personal development as a life long process. Now, I think this this episode is going to be short and sweet. So I've got a really juicy interview coming up afterwards, but I'm not today. But um, I think if you look at personal development, it's a lifelong process. And it's a thing that assesses your skills and qualities to help you realise and maximise your potential. And there are certain steps that you can take. But more importantly, I do think everybody does need to work on yourself. And I don't think they always know how to begin, is it going to sit on a course, yes, there are courses and whatever. But there are some really good books out there. But I've got a friend at the moment going through hell. And I've just said to him, just focus on you stop worrying about everybody else in focus on you, and all props to them, they've gone out and they've gone and got the help, they needed to help them understand themselves a bit better. Because until you do that, will you be able to interact and engage with the rest of life in a way that's going to make you really content and happy? Dare I say it. So some of the steps that you can take are developing a personal vision, think about where you want to be months or years from now. Because having that purpose or having a purpose will help you do that. So I don't know if my purpose is to help other people, if that's my purpose. And my vision is to be a bit more philanthropic about what I do in future years to come. A you need a bit of money to be a bit of a philanthropist, I think because you're going to put your money where your mouth is. But also, the type of help that I want to give people is tools that they can equip themselves to do better or go further or help them succeed in life. And so in order to do that, I need to work on myself, because we've got to understand the why. And I said to somebody again the other day, you know, when you're thinking about your vision, try not to use that old chestnut, I want to be happy. Everybody says I want to be happy. And I make reference to this. Because there's a brilliant book I'm reading at the moment. Well, controversially, this the social this subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. I'll say it again, the subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. And he talks about this happy kind of statement that everybody makes, it actually means nothing, because everybody wants to be happy, but some people don't. But a majority of people want to be happy. But rather we should ask ourselves what pain or what challenges do we want to experience to get to x? So let's I give this as a great example the marathon I want to run the marathon. There's so many people that have this milestone goals that have milestone goals, goals rather, the time there is certain age. So let's say I want to run the marathon by 50. Great, okay, that's a statement, but what pain or what challenges you're going to go through to get there to run that marathon. And that will be training seven days a week, undertaking training that I don't particularly like, looking at my diet, those are all pain and challenges, because it's not just about running the bloody marathon, it's what you have to do. And getting yourself into that state of mind, before you've even achieved that vision or goal is another different matter. And it's harder, when you think of the pain, I want a divorce, great, I want to be separated, great, what pain you're gonna go through, especially if you've got kids, oh, my God, it's going to involve financial, that's painful, it's going to involve difficult conversations that you didn't think you'd be having so quickly, that's painful, it could cause a rift with your family that's painful. Depending on who it is, you might have to find a new home, do you see what I'm saying? You have to think about the pain points, or the challenges you will go through to get to that goal, because it's very easy to set that statement out. And it's funny the other day, I was just about to mention to a friend of mine, who's been doing very well with her business. And I was gonna say to her, have you thought about setting up a shop to do what you do? I think it'd be brilliant or a cafe. But then I thought about the pain points they would have to go through to get to that. It's not easy. And there's another example personally, I can give when I said, I'd like to set up a trust for people who are leaving care. So they can have extra support through care packages, which you know, some of the local government give here, but it's a bit wishy washy, and it's a bit of a Russian roulette. And then I thought about the challenges I've got to go through. And I've been a bit of a scaredy cat people, because I've just dropped it for now. I do want to do it. But when I sat down with somebody to do a bit of research, and they said, okay, so how much money are you putting in? I didn't know I needed to put something in? Or did you think you just you could just submit a paper and you got a charity or trust? God, those pain points, which I need to get my head round, moving off that then this personal vision, but asking the why, which is, you know, what's your purpose, you need to plan your personal development, you need a plan to get to what you want to achieve in months or years time. So it's not a case of just saying I want to run that marathon, you need to plan to say, when is that marathon going to take place, let's say it's next year, and then you make a plan of when your training is going to start, and all the things you need to do to get that in place. But with that, you need to set those realistic and achievable targets and goals. And give yourself a little bit of a critique, what your strengths, what your weaknesses, what opportunities are there and what could be a threat to you. So let's just break those down. Let's take them earthen the strength is you're highly motivated. The weaknesses you don't like cold weather and to run the marathon, you're gonna have to be training in the winter outside running long distance, the opportunities are that you will achieve that goal by 50 when you want to because you're gonna run that race, but the threat is injury. That simple. Okay, so just have that in mind. Because if you think about the critique, you think about the threat, for example, is injury, make sure you maybe got that physio lined up or how you can minimise injury, you know, get good trainers don't just run. I knew this guy that ran a half marathon in basketball boots, and he suffered knees fucked, absolutely buggered, didn't do any research or anything. And then the third thing is, I think, with your your lifelong process of doing PD is record your development. And I am a big advocate of journaling. I've got into it in the last three years since I've been doing my morning ritual. And it's usually talking about things I'm grateful for. But if there's a big goal that I'm going after, I can guarantee you that that's going to appear in my journalism, because it's nice to to look back on and also you can discuss it with friends, and particularly when you have got a vision or a goal, when you start saying it to a friend. Like I've told a couple of people about this trust someone's gonna say to me, Tina, what are you doing about that? And doesn't it sound a bit wishy washy when you haven't done a thing? Just saying. So obviously, is easy to say with this personal development and

09:26

you think it's all pie in the sky? Look, there are lots of books out there and I have made it my thing to only read personal development books in the morning. I don't care if it's a chapter. I don't care if it's a page. I don't read. I don't really read a lot of nonfiction anymore. But all these books, some of them have been absolutely amazing. And some of them you just think what have I just read, but there's always something I can take from it. In personal development. There are some skills to develop. You need to separate things you Can't control from the things you can and you need to stop worrying about those things you can't change. So many people get in such a tizzy about things they can't control. And I think I spoke about this in my embracing uncertainty episodes, if you haven't listened to that, have a little listen. Example, if you've got a partner, and like me, you can't make your partner want to work on things. If you're in a in an unhappy relationship, why would they, you can't control it, you're unhappy, so move on. Nor can you change the past or whether people like or dislike you, I can't control if Michelle down the road fucking hates me move on what you can do in terms of a relationship, you leave that relationship, if it's making you unhappy, practice focusing your mind on the present and work on being the best version of yourself. Now, a lot of people stick and I'm happy relationships. And I've been there. I was telling somebody the other day, can you believe I'm single now, but the first part of my years, from the age of 21, right through to just after 40? I think these big old nine to 10 year relationships, you know, but Was I happy? No. What should I have done left? Instead, I stayed there. Thankfully, I did a bit of personal development on myself that involved a third party to understand why was I staying in relationships that served me no purpose. And it's the same thing I will say to work, I hear time and time again, somebody's moaning about their workplace, we'll just leave, you don't need to stay there. And I know that sounds easier than done. Because work might be hard to come by depends if you're skilled and unskilled, if you've got the capacity to go out and get new work, but I do believe if something's making you that miserable, don't do it. I've already said about the skills in terms of document or journaling your goals and intentions to make and make those vision boards to bring them to life and look at them every day. I do this very easily. I've got a phone when my phone is on the lockscreen. There is my vision board for 2024. So it's just a snapshot, couple of photos. For example, I've got on there, Thailand, I've got Botswana, I've got the Gambia Those are three places I'd like to go to this year, I've got builded garden shed room, take piano lessons, find a lifelong partner that has been appearing on the vision board for a while, let me tell you a couple of other things. And it's just nice to have it there. So it doesn't have to be arduous. You may not even want to document but actually I think is a nice skill to get it down and make yourself accountable. Practice self awareness and reflection. This for me is integral, it's an integral part of personal growth, so that you can learn more about your strengths, your weaknesses, reactions, habits, likes, dislikes, motivations, fears, and so on. And if you're not self aware, how do you know to develop what to develop? This is goes for self reflection as well, which does require us to evaluate whether or not our reactions and behaviours were right for a particular situation or moment. So we can plan for a greater outcome the next time, it really does involve you asking yourself questions like, How did I handle that situation? You know, sometimes I've come away from something and I thought, why did you end up like a? No, why did you act like a complete asshole? Tina, they couldn't help it or something. For example, the other day, part of this cold thing I think, got me all miserable. I went to my member's club. And they have a really bad habit of booking out quite a lot of the rooms for, you know, hires. So when I got there, I was already feeling cold. It's absolutely freezing. And the receptionist I said I was the upstairs available. Now. It's all booked out. And I went fuck. I just went home. And I apologised, I said, I'm really sorry that I did that. Because actually, did I handle that situation? Well, the receptionist didn't need to be sworn out or have a an F word muttered under my breath. It's not her fault. So I could have handled it better and said, Oh, okay, then. So I could have done it differently and that sort of thing. Another skill to develop is to accept fear is part of normal growth. And by this, I mean, we need to step outside of our comfort zone to grow. But in the words of Susan Jeffries, and I love this book, we need to face the fear and do it anyway. And it could be something as simple as, oh, I've never made that recipe before. Let me do it for the family tonight or even trying it out on yourself but I think doing it for somebody else. Makes it more of a challenge and stepping outside your comfort zone. You know trying a new fitness class or just a class at uni and I love you You need other educational wherever you do a class or whatever it could be fitness, it could be learning, like I did interior design. And I was shitting. myself if I'm honest, because I just wanted to do this vocational kind of qualification. But I've really, really enjoyed it. The thing that annoyed me the most is the type of people in the class are some really boring people there. I think the key message from this point is there is more to life outside of the one we already know. So step outside the comfort zone and go and explore it. practice mindfulness. And that's all about focusing on the present. Like, as I said, I think I've got a friend that always in a tizzy always thinking about 10 years down the line, or what if What if you can't control it, leave it practice being here and now and being present a big one for me. And one of my big bugbears, particularly especially, you know, when you I had this debate with a friend the other day about a partner. And someone had written me this note saying, Oh, you look really nice. And, but they didn't do it like that they wrote like they were illiterate. And it's funny, because I just thought, it's such a turnoff. And I think we need to read and I think we need to read widely. And it's really hard because digital technology has taken over. But there is so much to learn from reading words, in a book, A, it helps you construct your words better, and put a sentence together for God's sake. And also, I think it's just nice to have something in your hand. And it could be one of those things called the, the digital versions of it, I still like a book. But the problem is, sometimes I have to force myself, and I am glad that I do my personal development in the morning. Otherwise, I'm scrolling through social media. And that's what we do, and you don't learn from that. So start reading. And also, more importantly, it makes you a little bit more worldly, it makes you knowledgeable. You know, I love having my coffee table books, and somebody will come in my front room, and they say, Oh, my God, you've got that book. And it becomes a point of discussion before I've even looked in the front page. So read widely, try not to compare yourself to others. Everyone does this, but it can actually really mess you up. You got focus on your own journey and learn to be happy with your own progress this far. Because if you start looking at what everybody else is doing, and you know what, I fall victim to this on social media, especially on Instagram, and I look at what people are doing, boasting about what themselves. And these are kind of leaders type people, because they self promote, I'm really bad at it. And I think, wow. And I get caught up in that. It's not that I want to compete with others, but some people do. But you got to think of it this way. Whatever we do is never enough. Because we're always just trying to keep up with the people around us. Don't, don't, don't don't think about your own journey. And this is why journaling helps look at how far you have come. Another big one for me. And I did want to make. I wanted to make a bit of a side hustle from this, although someone said to me once, there's no such thing as a side hustle teen, it's either bringing something in, or it's not. It's about decluttering your life, because it's more than just a physical task, it can also have a significant impact on the way you think and feel. And these thoughts and feelings can affect your self development.

18:31

So if you walk in, I can tell when people are all over the place. I'm not gonna name people, but I know at least for people, I've walked into their homes, I'm just saying, oh my god, there's organised chaos. And then there's chaos. And those same so people that I've walked into the house and seen it, I can just see how their mind works is all over the place. So example, if you've been holding on to items from your past, that bring up negative connotations and memories, you may know I'm saying you may or may not struggle to look positively at the future. And this becomes demotivating, especially when you're trying to achieve your goals. So you need to look forward, get rid of ship from your past that is negative. And trust me that can be quite a few things in terms of friends. It can be items, it can be a lot of things. Just think about it is what is cluttering up your life, mentally and physically. Embrace mistakes and learn from them. And I'm a big advocate of this. It doesn't always feel good at the time because boy, you can feel completely cost but the only I can give loads of examples, but the one I think was through my athletics and you look at the mistakes you make when you're trying to win a race or jump to a gold medal. And you think what was the mistake you sit down with your coach as long as you can recognise and that self reflection, self awareness, etc. Can you then move on and learn from it. Because making mistakes gives us the opportunity to get to know ourselves a little better, and learn how we can achieve a more successful outcome next time. Listen, there are serial people that never learn, because they don't want to. It's a mindset. But you've got to remember that mistakes can also teach us lessons in resilience and gratitude. And I've always been told that I am very resilient. So if something's gone, right, and it can also give us a bit of unfun to grab new opportunities next time. And I've always liked that, especially in the beginning of my career. And I'm always grateful. And that's one of the things I journaled about what three things was I or am I or was I grateful for the day before. And I will say, I am blessed that I'm so grateful. Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. And the reason why some people I believe is so scared to step outside of their comfort zone, which I talked about a bit before is the fear of failure. No one wants to fail. But once we can make peace with failure, and start to see it for what it really is, which is a necessary part of life would you say? That goes hand in hand with self development. If you get to grips with that, we can often feel less afraid to strive towards our goals. Even if they come with a risk. Life is for living my people. Grab it is not a one track, pony. Everything's different accountability, you are responsible for your own actions, no one else but you hold yourself accountable. The sooner you do, the quicker you can get back on track after making a mistake, if your personal development slows down, because you opted to sleep in, instead of getting up early to work out. Don't blame the cold or grey morning, you made that choice to stay in. And you know how many times I even with my ritual slept at Christmas, I made the choice, my eyes would pop open the whole seven member I got to do all my personal development ritual before eight o'clock. And I made a choice. And I can't be asked especially over Christmas, I couldn't be bothered to do it every day. But I made that choice was my personal development suffering, probably a little bit. So let's think about that. And then the one that I told you that everybody thinks I am is resilient. Resilience, how many times I've been told that it's unbelievable. It's a skill acquired through struggle, and I've been through struggles have I not? And that may not sound encouraging when looking for your kind of self development. But it's not a race. It's a What's that saying? It's a slow burn, you'll see the power that comes from never giving up. And I don't think I've ever given up. Somebody may be listening to this and say, Yeah, you did something, you couldn't be bothered to do your trust, you couldn't do this, or blah, blah, blah, blah. But I'm really talking about sort of tangible things I've been exposed to, and I haven't given up I haven't at all, you have to push yourself through really hard situations. Every time you throw in the towel, you lose momentum. And that's often difficult to get back. As I said this was going to be a short and sweet one in terms of your personal development. Think about it. Think about books I have, I can't tell you how many books I've got through in the last two years. Well, it's been since locked down. And I love it. It's a lovely library of stuff. And there's something for everyone. Not hard to read not to add. They're thinking oh my god, but what can you work on? Ever think about that this week? What can you work on? Whether it's, I don't know, one of mine is I had a terrible habit of cancelling people when I set up arrangements and even through this headcode Last week, I shouldn't have been running up and down like I did a couple of times a week, I should have kept myself quiet. And I said now I'm doing it 2024 Unless there's an absolute, brilliant, justifiable reason I'm not cancelling on people. And I used to do it really badly. Then I've got then I got bad, and I got okay, but now I just want to be perfect. I don't cancel. It's not cool. It's not cool. In essence, we need to trust the process. And that persistence will pay off in terms of your PD or self development. Sometimes not all progress is immediately obvious. But if you keep consistent and don't give up, eventually things will fall into place. And that my friends if you're just finishing your ironing, or doing a bit of cooking and got me in the background, or running it's a it's a short but sweet one, but hopefully it made you think about what you can do to develop yourself and be someone who you like even more. Because love starts at home. It starts with you. Love yourself, love what you're about. And if you need to develop, make sure you get on and do it and don't do live until the next time take care