Loyalty

Goddamit, I didn't know loyalty was a pretty complex and multifaceted concept. That's why I wanted a brief chat about. It has so many meanings and interpretations depending on the context in which it is used. 

In this week's episode I delve a little deeper into it and hope it provides some kind of clarity for you, because it did for me. 

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Transcript

I'm sorry, this one's a little bit late, but there is a reason for it. I have had this really weird. I don't know if this thing going on with my nose. I think I told some of you that I've got Horner syndrome, which is where the nerve butt goes from the back of the I ran the brain through the back up through the breastbone, and up through my cheekbone is causing my eyes to sag slightly. So what that means is one side of my face gets blocked up. And weirdly enough, this Horner syndrome is only present in about one in 4000. People look it up h o r n e r s, and it's an that it can happen at any time to anybody, and there's no treatment for it, it can just go by itself. But what it means is I get extremely blocked up I even sound nasally now when I'm recording this for you, and so I just have to take a breath, stick some Sudafed at my nose, which helps to decongest my nose and take it from there. So apologies if I sound like I've got a cold that's lasting for about 50,000 years. But I hope you've all been good. And I thought today I talked about loyalty, something got me thinking this week about how loyal we are. And do we know what loyalty actually means? Because people get it twisted, and think it's to do with trust. And it's all about adherence, allegiance, devotion, honesty, and honour. And what that really means is, are you loyal to friends, to work to brand, your pet, or whatever. And I started thinking about it this week. Well, last week is really in the week, because I felt this person there was somebody I was thinking about. And I thought they're really not loyal. They are just, I don't even know what I can call them. But they're not loyal. Anyway, I didn't realise how complex weirdly enough that loyalty is. And I'll talk about that a little bit. But it really does refer to that strong sense of allegiance, etc. And I wanted to address it because it encompasses so many meanings and interpretations, depending on the context of where it's used so often involves unwavering support, trust and commitment, even in the face of challenges, temptations or adversity. It can manifest in many a splendid way. Funnily enough, a lot of years have had lawyer, I have been to this podcast, but I think I've been waning. lately. I've been waiting about the kinds of topics that people want to hear or listen to or talk about, I'm looking at how many people are leaning in to listen to this, but I guess I have been loyal. And once I'm not going out. I love releasing it. So let's talk about personal loyalty. This is shown to friends, family members, and you know, that kind of lover, that romantic partner, and it really does involve being there for someone and I realised that I've, I've actually always been loyal to my friends and partners, sometimes for the wrong reasons, especially partners, not friends. And it involves providing that emotional support and standing by them through thick and thin. And I've been told a lot that I'm always loyal to you can depend on her, etc, etc. Because you consistently or I consistently demonstrate honesty. I'm quite good at that, as I've been working on only my truth, mind you that's only been in the last two years, right since lockdown that I've really said I'm going to own my truth. And it's difficult, right? When you consistently want to be honest, because you have to be tactful, how you're going to do that. But I think the first part is being honest with yourself. And a lot of people aren't honest with themselves and get themselves into a whole lot of problems. So that's the first thing I would say is being honest with yourself. And then it's also about reliability. Now I am totally dependable and reliable. Unless it's something I don't want to do. Or someone is taking the absolute P I'd double this. So reliability, think about the loyalty there. And then integrity. And by keeping your promises maintaining confidentiality and acting ethically trust established and nurtured over time. Now, I think I've got a few things in there to pick up on. I never say I promise. I think it also reminds me at the school playground, I promise to do this than the other confidentiality. There's been a few things that I could say I could have done better on and do I act ethically? Yeah, I think so. I think so. But it takes a lot to get all of that in there. And I really love these people and I've got someone that I know that never tells me anything but tells me everything if that makes sense. You have to work it out because they are so loyal to their family, other friends even friends that I may know but then not disclosing his shit. So I tried to learn from them a little bit because I think sometimes you know, I'm the keeper of information and you can let your your your lips go. And as they say loose lips sinks those ships. So I have been the victim of that before, and not so much now. But yes. And then there's organisational loyalty. Now this is a big one for me people that stick with a, an employer, company or institution, and they are loyal to them to the bitter end. You know, you think about those people that have been in a job for 14 1516 years, and they're committed to its mission and they're willing to go that extra mile to contribute to success. The only thing I would say with that is that, I think that when you're in a vocational type career, you are loyal. And some people if you said to them, you're really low. You stayed with that school, I've got a couple of friends who stayed in the same school for absolute years, even my neighbour who's been in the same primary school for literally 17 years. And I think he when I look at their life, of the what I know about them, they don't really like change. They go for the same thing all the time. So Saturday, they go shopping at five o'clock, they're loyal to Sainsbury's, they go shopping Sunday, they clean the house Mondays back to work. So I think there's some of it, where there's routine and process, which makes you loyal to something. I'm just saying, I'm just talking this out loud. So you think about some of the people you know, that have been in the job for a zillion years. I think before we make a judgement on whether they're loyal, is it because it security as well, that's another big thing is vocational. Whereas I've not been loyal. I think I was loyal to my first job. But I have to question was I loyal to that cancel? It's my first job. I was there for nine years. I enjoyed it, though. I really enjoyed it. So is it but was I loyal to the employer? Probably not. I think it's a bit of security and enjoyment of the job. And then misguided loyalty, which I think this is more prevalent for some people is when you're scared of fear, sorry, when you're fearful or scared of change. I know some people or workplaces treat them like shit. And they're still in there. And I've got a girlfriend who's going through something now with a workplace. And I'm like, Are you serious? I mean, the things she say like, I'm not sure if I could take annual leave, because they might need me. Yeah, and you are being treated like a leper right now, and it's gonna get legal and you're still thinking like that, I guess different strokes, different folks. And as I said, it could be fear, it's changed when I get something, especially when you get older. And it's funny that a friend said to me yesterday, he said, you know, Tina, when I used to work in wealth management, you know, now 57 Even though I'm on top of my game, he runs a very successful company is uh, you know, I wouldn't be employed ages old and all this kind of stuff and but he was he was really loyal to the industry for such a long time. But it was interesting him saying that so that's relating back to the other person that I know that will not leave this place. Because she has been there since probably the age of 16. And then as treated like a piece of shit. The one that I think a lot of people don't know that they're loyal to is a brand I fall into this category. And this is when we choose and support consistently that is a particular brand or product over others which is often based on you know, positive past experience. You have trust in that brand and you if you go that deep you align with our brand values. And I would say here's a couple of mine that are quite funny. Over in the UK, we have this department store called Marks and Spencers. It does food and clothing is a trusted quintessential English brand. And I've always bought my knickers from Marks and Spencers. Yes, I've brought my bras I bought my knickers. I brought bits and pieces from there. And I've always bought it from there. But in the last few years, I've looked at how the quality of their underwear has changed. And it was really weird. The other day, I brought some knickers from another brand. And I'm not testing them out for it must be wear and tear and stuff. And it's one of my side of m&s. It's got nothing to do with their families. I don't know what their values are. Do I trust in the brand? Yeah, because we're the customer service in terms of returns and whatever. But I think it's habit. This is what I'm talking about. This is why I wanted to talk about loyalty because I think it's quite interesting that when you get the official download on what loyalty is, and then you start breaking it down. I think it's quite different people. However, there is one but since I went to work for them, which was Nike years and years ago, I was very loyal to brand Nike, everything it stood for, etc apart from making their bloody trainers and closing sweatshops.

I really liked what they did in campaigns. I really liked what they did with sports men and women, etc, etc, etc. And how they treat them and stick with them and blah blah blah. But again, My loyalty has changed because somebody said, Oh my gosh, you're wearing Puma trainers. Oh my gosh, you've got assets. In fact, I've probably got every other maker trainer now in my cupboard, aside from Nike, I mean, I've got about 70 pairs of trainers, y'all. It's absolutely disgraceful when you go in my cupboard, and I felt so bad the other week because I was having my floors and a new floor put down in my passage. And the guy that was laying it had to go into this Understairs cupboard, and pull out all my trainers and I felt sick muscle, the wall in the kitchen, and he said, You got a problem with trainers. You got absolutely 1000s And furthermore, you've got Nike, Adidas New Balance assets. Yeah, I've got the lotta peeps. I've got all of them now. Reebok. Oh, no, I haven't got any Reebok. Oh, I might have to change all of that. But I've got a lot of freaking trainers. So yeah, so that's wavered, but I still like Nike stuff, all overpriced, etc. In my opinion, especially haven't worked for them and know the markup. But yes, but the other one. Now, this is a really great example of my loyalty to a brand Samsung, Samsung telephone Samsung Mobile. Yeah. I've never ever been interested in getting an apple. And I just felt that when I read Steve Jobs, his autobiography, which was absolutely brilliant. I loved it. I went out and bought my iPad. Fine. But I felt no, I'm not going to buy the whole lot. There was something I wanted. I was brand antagonistic. I was an antagonist. I didn't want to go out and buy the phone as well as the iPad and felt that I'm gonna get locked into this brand. How weird is that? So I've always had Samsung, I love the Samsung phone. When sometimes people I could be around six people. And everybody's got an iPhone, and I've got my Samsung. So I love it. So moving on from brands. So you ever think about your brands? Which ones are you loyal to? Now? I do. And this friend listens to this podcast every time I release it. So she's gonna know, I know. But she was always brand loyal, I think was it John Lewis, every time Christmas came along? Or was it John Lewis? John Lewis is another big department store in the UK, that customer service is absolutely fantastic. But actually, as one of the big retailers in the UK, they're losing their way. But there's service. And it's things like getting two years guarantee on products you buy is those kinds of things people look at. And yeah, the customer service is great quality of their stuff is fantastic. Yes, but I just remember her always going shopping every Christmas. I'm sure it was there. You know who you are? Or was it Selfridges. I don't, I can't remember another loyalty is to a cause or ideology. And I'm thinking like, you know, some of these people that are really into climate change in Greenpeace, like Greta zimbler, some are so deeply committed to that cause social political ideology or belief system, they work tirelessly to promote or advance that cause, and may enjoy personal sacrifices and doing so there's quite a few people out there that are activist and I think back in the 60s when, for me as a black woman, when we had the Black Panthers, and they really did fight for our rights and freedom fighters all fought for us to have equal sitting at the table with a white person. And so for me, I actually in that era would have probably been part of one of those groups, because I think I would not be sitting here today is some of these people have not fought for what we deserve as a rights as an equal, right. And I really respect that. And then this loyalty to a nation or community this is about dedication to the country, community or cultural group, you know, when some people are really kind of, into their country into their culture. It's all about patriotism, and a sense of responsibility and attachment to one's homeland. And I always see this when I go to America, right? So I get some American audiences listening in but the flags outside the homes is quite interesting for me, because I believe if we did that in the UK, you'd be kind of almost it neo Nazi have like the Union Jack outside your house. It'd be like veteran into dangerous territory. It's almost like Klu Klux Klan kind of nonsense in the skin. And yeah, it'd be really it'd be have a totally different meaning, I think if we had that here, but personally, why do I want a flag outside my front door? I'm

not sure about that. But I really noticed it when I go to America, that big old flag flying outside people's houses, I guess, again, they're loyal to God Bless America and all that stuff. So you know, if you're listening in and you're American, great. I just love to understand why you have it. And you know if you're loyal. This is more like an educational bit of podcasting because I think sometimes we need to be aware of certain things and loyalty, but loyalty really does involve self reflection, assessing your actions and feelings in various relationship, relationships and contexts. As there are ways to know your learn or not the self reflection pieces, you need to take time to reflect on your values, beliefs and priorities. And I'll never forget for me when I was looking at new career is a jobs and so forth. And to really delve deep look at myself and say that do I just want to go into that job? Because it's going to give me a lot of money? Or does it align with my values. And it's interesting now that when I'm looking at probably a little bit of a switch, because I want to get some money on the table to pay off my mortgage and mortgage for anyone outside of the UK is what you own on your home. And for a while people said, don't worry about paying off your mortgage you haven't got any children just enjoy, just do this kind of interest free kind of mortgage. And well, actually, the mortgage is a massive payment coming out every month that I actually want to get rid of. So when I manifested, sorry, when I meditated this morning, I decided, I am going to pay off my mortgage. And I need to think of what is my route to doing that. So I will keep you on that journey. Because I'm doing this other little practice called the intention where you try to manifest 1 million pounds into your life, you don't know where it's gonna come from. But you think about it, and you think about it for one minute. I've started that. And it was really interesting this moment this morning, and a light bulb moment went off when I thought I want to pay off my mortgage because there's not much to pay. So you need to consider what matters most to you, in your relationships and commitments when it comes to self reflection. Consistency. Loyalty often involves consistency in your actions and behaviour. Do you consistently support and stand by the people organisations or causes you care about, even when faced with challenges or temptations? I think I have done that. But I'm trying to, if I'm honest, I'm really trying to think about am I consistent with everybody? I think I can fluctuate up and down. There's also trustworthiness we, you know, I said Don't get it twisted in trying to think that trustworthy to think that trust worthiness is loaded, because it's not. It is closely tied to trust. Are you someone whom others can trust to keep your promises, maintain confidence, and fulfil your obligations? Well, there's someone that may say, is that person really trust trustworthy? Would you trust them with your life? Will you trust them with your innermost secrets? I was asked to check that one out. I was asked to check that one out. If I'm honest with you commitment, again, consider the level of commitment you exhibit in your relationships and your commitments. Are you dedicated and willing to invest time and effort in what you value? And those that do I have so much respect for them that they are so dedicated and committed to the cause of what they're doing? I think I still got to find that. But I do have this idea that I can't share yet because I want to get something down and concrete. But if I start it, I will be totally committed. And it's something now to do in older life, as I say that would just give me a sense of purpose, communication, open and honest communication is essential in loyal relationships. Do you communicate your thoughts and feelings to those who are loyal to? And do you encourage them to do the same communication is my love language people? Listen, if people can't communicate me good or bad, I've got a bit of an issue with it. Especially with partners, a loved one and loved interest. You've got to communicate, people stay too close. And we need to open up more. And it's funny, I was having a conversation last week with some people about people to get therapy. And it's all seen as one dirty little secret. And it's not if you're getting therapy, we should be open about it. Because actually, I think every fucker needs some therapy, if I'm honest with you, we all have these demons, we think we're dealing with it, we and we don't I've had therapy, I actually loved opening up and communicating what was going on, deep down and within. And I think now I've heard a couple of other people are going to go and get some therapy so they can communicate their thoughts to someone who has an external third party. And through doing that it may help them communicate in everyday life. Some people are extremely private, I think especially with my background, if I'd have bottled up everything that I felt and didn't communicate, I'd be a totally different person to what I am now I am quite an open book. Sometimes that can do damage to me, in terms of people can take the advantage or take the piss out of that, but I'm not going to change. So I'm an open book, you know exactly what you get sacrifice. Loyalty sometimes involves making sacrifices for the benefit of others or the greater good. Are you willing to make sacrifices or Endure hardship to support what you are loyal to? Some of you may be saying not sure team and there are no hard and fast rules around this. Don't come out of this after you listen to this thinking I've got to not learn enough I've got to do this. And actually a lot of people won't do Bagru but there are some little nuggets like the self reflection and your values and really, really looking at that that all leading to loyalty. So I think they can it can be a positive thing to do anyway. self interest versus loyalty. examine whether you prioritise your self interest or the interests of the Person group or cause you are loyal to in various situations. I think that's quite an interesting one about whether you are adamant about the interest that you have? Or is it more you're guided by what everybody else is thinking about? I think I can be swayed, unless I'm really passionate about an interest. I hope that makes sense, right. But if I'm not really interested in it, I'll be swayed. Otherwise, it's all about me and my thoughts on what I really want to get out of it. And then the big one for me, as well as aligning your values, assess whether your loyalty aligns with your core values and principles. Are you loyal to people or organisations that share your values? Or do you find yourself in situations where your loyalty conflicts for your values? I think that happens in everyday life, guys, because I do rate these people that can go out and live their life that's completely aligned to their values. But this is what we call life. And sometimes, we can go off kilter, and we just fall into that whole trap of life. Yeah, I'm guilty of this. I'll be guilty of it for a while. And I'm ready to just say, you know, what, capitalism, commercialism, all of that kind of good stuff. Give up the house, go and live in the field who attend live in nature? Don't see anybody don't have a mobile phone? Don't do this. I mean, there's some people that do they go off the grid or kind of like that, I'd actually like to go off the grid for a bit. And that's why I'm really attracted to the survival programmes where they have nothing and you have to just find yourself in the wilderness. I think that's kind of cool. Maybe one day I'll do a little one. And it makes me think about reflecting on past actions, which is also still loyalty, look back on your past actions and decisions in your relationships and affiliations. Do you see a pattern of loyalty or other incident incidences where you may have faltered? I think I am particularly loyal. But there have been a few droplets in terms of I think, the trust thing, and that's related to I think what I've been through. And I also think critical thinking is aligned to loyalty as well. Because if you're loyal, you can think critically and question decisions, when necessary, or your actions, are you capable of constructive criticism, and providing feedback as needed. I always used to have a problem with constructive criticism, because I felt someone was having a dig at me. I didn't feel it was for the greater good. And there's a lot of people that can't take it, you know, they get defensive, etc. But I think, again, communication is weaved into this. How is that constructive, constructive, constructive criticism delivered, you know, some people are terrible, and they might just go bang, bang, bang, I've met someone actually, in the last six months who she, she just doesn't hold back. She just gives it it isn't. It's like, oh, it's not everybody that can take it like that. But I guess in summary, loyalty can be both a positive and negative trait depending on the circumstances, positive loyalty is seen as trustworthiness, steadfastness, commitment to honourable values, etc, etc. However, if you've got misguided loyalty, where individuals unconditionally support a personal cause, without critical thinking, it can, it can lead to negative consequences. It's important to note that loyalty doesn't mean you blindly follow support someone or something regardless of the circumstances, the loyalty should be healthy, it should be used, and based on trust, shared values, and a genuine commitment that responds challenges and changes. It can be a dynamic quality, that just evolves over time as you grow. And you look at things like yourself reflection, and your critical thinking and your values. And as you get new experiences, and new changes in your life and circumstances go from one spectrum to another, you'll gain those insights about loyalty and it will change to match those, you need to continually assess and adjust your loyalty in the light of all of that. And the well being of those you care about is a sign of emotional intelligence and personal growth. So I hope that kind of made sense. I just had this urge to talk about loyalty. And I feel that there is work to be done from so many people on this subject. And I hope that you found this a little bit useful. What have I got on this week? Let

me finish on a bit of a light note. I am going to my first black tie dinner with a charity that I've just won a piece of business with. They're called making the leap and given them a big whoop, whoop and holler, holler. Thank you so much. Writing them a marketing strategy was great and they We are holding an award ceremony for social mobility. I'm really excited because back in the day it different companies I worked at, I'd always be going after Black Tie affairs. Invariably some of them were so dry everybody's dressed up people get drunk, unruly, the food. I always want to carry a cheese and Branston pickle sandwich because I'm still hungry, etc, etc anyway about how am I getting home because I live quite far out from Central London, the calves don't go there. It's all a bit of drama, but I'm actually looking forward to it this week. And what I'm also looking forward to this week. And this is probably a little bit misplaced because of climate change. We have had some seriously big heat in the last few days and it's meant to carry on till midweek and it's funny that in parts of the UK where you can get flooding and then you've got heat everywhere else I guess we're in London we're quite far down if you look at the map, so we get that heat and when it snows we never really get that much snow but yeah, I'm looking forward to a warm and sunny week my people are relaxed week no stress, no nothing. And I hope you to have a great, great week. And until the next one, the next podcast. I will or you will hear from me really soon. Take care and start thinking about what loyalty means to you